My Shinobi

Chapter 34 - The First Move

Chapter 34 - The First Move

I didn't know what to do. For some reason, I couldn't keep such thoughts away from my head. I knew they were bad, I knew that this was not me, but I just couldn't stop thinking them. Somehow, I was changing. Something inside of me was changing, and I didn't understand why. It's like, the deepest parts of me were being liberated.

It felt good. But not the good kind of good.

As much as I would have wanted it to stop, I also wanted it to continue. Keep progressing. Keep making me feel it. I felt somewhat powerful. In control. Like I was capable of anything. Probably really bad to be feeling that, but what the heck? Better to feel capable than weak and powerless--not like I had been feeling powerless recently anyway.

This was all too confusing. I want it, but I don't want it. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Is this something that has to happen? Maybe all of this is just another step. But that wouldn't explain why my personality is changing like it is. I was becoming like the type of person I really don't like.

All this thinking was really making my brain hurt. I was seriously thinking way too much. Maybe if I just let it be it would go away all on its own. I was most likely worrying over nothing. For all I knew, this could be some kind of faze, like the one each teenager goes through when they think they know best.

Yeah, that's probably it. I was probably subconsciously feeling like I was superior to them or something like that.

"Hey, is anything wrong?" Natsume came into the room and sat next to me.

I shook my head, "No, not really. Just over-thinking a few things." I answered simply.

Natsume nodded, "Would you want to talk about it?"

I let that thought run through my mind. Did I want to talk about it to him? A part of me wanted to say yes. Get it off of my chest.

"No." I answered.

He moved to sit directly in front of me, "Can you look me in the eyes?"

I had been looking down the whole time I was talking to him. And now, even though he asked me, I still wanted to look anywhere but him.

He took matters into his own hands and moved my head gently while cupping my face.

"Why do I feel like something is off?"

So he had also noticed?  It wasn't just me who could tell that I wasn't the same.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I looked at him straight.

"I do not know why, Gabriella, but I feel like this is simply not you. Call me mad, but something tells me another hand is at play."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean to say that the reason for your sudden outbursts are the doings of another."

"That doesn't even make sense." I tried to grasp what he was saying, but couldn't understand how that could be.

"It is simple. There is a possibility you are perhaps being controlled--or more like swayed--into making choices you normally would not make." he explained.

I took his hands away from my face. "But I'm not. This is all me. That, I'm sure of." I confessed.

"How can you be so sure?"

If I was being controlled, I'm pretty sure I would have figured it out by now. Right? Yes, I'm positive I would have.

"I sense no...strings." I told him, not even sure what that meant. It seemed to do just fine though. He stared at me before taking a breath.

"I see," was all he said and then the room was swallowed up by a heavy silence.

I broke it not being able to take it any longer. "I'm still me," I said almost in a whisper.

He looked back to me and reached behind my neck, "That you are." His next action seemed to almost freeze time.

I was pulled into a tight hug. Almost as if he was trying to keep me from going somewhere far away. My reaction was slow, I didn't even have a chance to return the hug before he slowly pushed me back to look into my eyes. I could tell that he was searching for something, but my mind was in a haze.

Without even realizing what I was doing, I placed both my hands on each side of his face.  I could tell that deep inside me, I craved him. I closed the gap and placed my lips on his. Sudden realization of what I was doing hit me and I quickly tried to pull away, but was held in place by his hands intertwined into my hair. He kept me firmly in place.

I soon lost breath and was able to pull away.

"Woah..." I was at a loss for words.

Natsume let out a deep, throaty laugh. I shivered at the huskiness in his voice.

"I never would have expected you to make the first move." he said.

I blushed and looked away feeling embarrassed. What was I suppose to say? I did that without even knowing.

Gosh, I really did make the first move, didn't I?

"Please, never look away from me." he moved my head back and I quickly covered my face. "Never hide from me either." he took my hands away and I stared into his eyes.

Before, I was at a loss words. Now, I only wanted to know one thing, "What does this mean?"

"Which?" he teased, fully knowing what I meant by my words.

I wanted to look away when I said it, but fought against it, "The kiss."

"Whatever you want it to mean." he shrugged.

"What does it mean to you?"

"It means I want you." he said. "Want you completely, and belonging solely to me. Forever and always." he pulled me back for another kiss.

I let myself indulge in it if only for that moment.

.

.

.

I woke up in the middle of the night, needing to go out into the fresh air for a bit. It kind of felt too stuffy inside the room.

The town definitely had a different kind of feel to it when it was dark. It was eerie, but I liked it. I took a small walk and it lead me to a dark alley. I rolled my eyes at how this reminded me of one of those stereotypical plots. This alley called to me though, so I entered.

It was empty, of course, but there was some kind of energy I could feel from it.

I fell to the floor with a grunt when a sudden pain pounded in my head. It got worse and worse to the point I heard ringing in my ears. I could have sworn I was going to end up deaf. I don't know how long it lasted, but when it finally calmed down, I felt something warm on my forehead. I touched it, and felt a sudden surge of energy.

I pushed myself off the ground, my lips forming words I never would have thought.

"Akurosuke." I called and he appeared.

"Took you long enough." he smiled and held out his hand.

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Wow, I feel like I just keep making these shorter and shorter. I hope no one is bothered by it..

I also finally decided to post my next story, just the prologue, for now.

I really wish I could get more feedback on what y'all think. I'm curious to know. Am I any good at this whole story-making thing-a-ma-jig? I feel like I'm not. Obviously, I need to work on some things. But your thoughts are also greatly appreciated. ^^

Until next time~