Behind The Mask II Harry Styles #Wattys2015

Chapter 78

I woke up in my bed in Harry's house and a cloud of confusion washed over me. I couldn't remember anything, then it all came back to me. The smell of sweat, the taste of blood, the feeling of Harry's relentless pounding into me. But how did I get here? That I did not know. The devil kissed my neck and it felt like Heaven. The marks of his love were still on my skin. His footprints were on my heart. He engraved his twisted feelings into my soul and I wore them with pride.

I got out of bed and started to feel the pain following the events of last night. Everything reminded me of him. I shook my head and went to the piano. I started playing whatever came to mind. I felt like writing something today. I played a few keys and added some chords that sounded good with it. It reminded me of Thoughtless by Korn so I decided to make a slowed down piano version.

"Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies, pushing all the mercy down, down, down. I wanna see you try to take a swing at me. Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground. Why are you trying to make fun of me? You think it's funny? What the fuck you think it's doing to me? You take your turn lashing out at me. I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me." I thought of Harry when he was having one of his "fits." He was scary.

"All of my hate cannot be found. I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming. So you can try to tear me down, beat me to the ground. I will see you screaming." I thought about how dangerous he was.

"Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies, I'm above you, smiling as you, drown, drown, drown.
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me, and I'll pull the trigger, and you're down, down, down. All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down). They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)..." Harry could easily kill me and no one would know. I trusted him but when he blacks out, he can't be controlled. He can't even control himself. I was interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of my phone ringing from the other room. I quickly got up to answer it.

"Hello?" I said cheerily, trying to disguise my morning voice.

"Hello? Is this Alyssa?" An unfamiliar voice said.

"Yes. Who is this?" I asked.

"I hate to be the one to bear the bad news, but..." My heart stopped while I waited for the bad news. What was wrong? Was there something wrong with Harry? I hadn't seen him all morning.

"Nate was killed in a car accident today. He was driving under the influence, and he unfortunately spun out of control and wrecked off a bridge. They still haven't found his body yet, or his car. I'm really sorry for your loss..." The kind woman informed me from the other line.

"Oh...." Was all I could muster before I broke down in tears. My body shook uncontrollably and it felt like my whole world was collapsing right beneath me. My last memory of him was not a happy one. It was of him passed out in his bed while Harry....I couldn't even bring myself to think about what he did, what I did. I was a terrible person. Nate didn't deserve to die, I did. I should have never went over to his house that night. We both drank and then I cheated on him while he was in the same room for God's sake.

I wanted nothing more in that moment, than to just die. I remembered all the memories I had of him throughout the years. We grew up together and we were best friends. We used to be so close, but over the past few months it has seemed that we grew more distant which made it even harder for me to let go of him. I couldn't believe that he was gone. I couldn't fathom the idea of him not being in my life. It couldn't be real. This is all just a lie....

"Excuse me, ma'am? A-Are you still there?" The woman on the line said. I hated her. She told me that Nate was taken away from me. I hated the sound of her voice. I hated her. I hung up my phone and threw it. My knees gave way and I fell to the floor. I covered my eyes with my hands and I let out a shaky breath. This can't be happening. I thought. This is happening. It felt like my heart had been bruised and that it would never heal. Once I finally thought that my life was getting on the right path, everything just had to crash down. I missed him so much. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like.

He wouldn't be coming around to the coffee shop anymore to see me. He would never be around to crack terrible jokes anymore. I would never see him again. Was this my fault? Am I the reason he started drinking in the first place? If so, then I was the reason for his death and I deserved to die. I let out a loud cry as I sobbed on the floor. I heard footsteps quickly nearing me.

"Alyssa? Are you okay?" Harry's worried voice sounded.

"Go away!!" I shouted at him.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked, rubbing my arm gently. I pushed him away.

"Get the hell away from me! It's all my fault! I could have stopped it...." I choked out. My breathing was eratic and I was gasping for each breath.

"Shhh baby....it's okay. I'm, here...." He scooped me in his arms before I had a chance to object. He held me tightly and kissed my head.

"Shhhh.....it'll be alright..." He said calmly in my ear. He rubbed my back soothingly while I cried into his chest.

"What's wrong? What happened?" He asked, concerned. I couldn't even muster the strength to say a single word. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

"N-N-Nate.." I managed to say. His facial expressions hardened at the mention of his name, but he quickly corrected them so I wouldn't see.

"What's wrong with Nate?" He asked me. The reminder of his death echoed in my heart and I sobbed into his chest. He sat there, holding me and soothing me until I had calmed down. It wasn't that I wasn't sad anymore or I didn't feel pain, I physically could not cry anymore. I was tired and exhausted.

"You need to take a rest." Harry said, looking down at me. He kissed my lips gently assuring me that everything would be alright. For a second, I almost believed it. He sat up and carried me into my bedroom and set me down in my bed. He pulled the covers up over me and I was grateful. It was cold.

"Do you want anything to eat?" He asked me quietly. I shook my head. The thought of eating made me want to throw up. I had completely lost my appetite. I could never imagine myself eating again. I would never be the same after this. Harry nodded slowly then he turned and left. Why was he leaving? I needed him here with me. He was the only one I had left. A few minutes later Harry came back in the room with a tray of food.

"I know you said you didn't want anything, but you have to eat or you'll get sick." He said, kindly. I shook my head but he ignored me. He got a spoonful of blueberry yogurt and he held it to my mouth. I pushed it away and frowned at him. This surprisingly didn't make him angry.

"Just eat a few spoonfuls. You can do this." He said, resting his hand on my thigh, encouraging me. I nodded and he put the spoon in my mouth. I didn't want to eat but he was getting his way whether I liked it or not. I only managed to get a few spoonfuls before I couldn't eat anymore. I was literally going to puke.

"You did good, Lissa." He said, kissing my forehead.

"Now get some rest. I love you." He said, kissing my lips this time. I closed my eyes and let my body rest.

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Wow....so that happened. Haha. I feel like I was kind of dramatic in this chapter....