Back To Black

Toxic

Sometimes you really have to loose yourself in order to find yourself. It's like when your room is dirty and you try to clean it, but you end up messing it up more, so that you can really get it clean when you put everything back.

Right now, in this moment, I'm losing myself. Losing who I am, who I was, even the vision of who I want to be. I feel like I'm falling and even though I know there's no one to catch me, I still hope there is, desperately.

My body layed, frozen and sprawled out on the floor and the sounds around me seemed to have a distinct echo, that was almost mocking.

You can't keep doing this Jess. I wanted to move, to roll over and have the ability to only feel one emotion at a time, but, apparently, life doesn't work like that. I was a sitting duck in the sea of my own past, and I was drowning.

Slowly, my eyes began to close at my own tiredness. My body began to feel as if it was burning a figure of itself into the floor as it became heavier and heavier.

"Jessa! She has to be somewhere around here." The coldness of the night surrounded me, lifting me up into the air and blowing me around like a leaf. "Jess!"

"Would you just give up already? She"

"D-Danny?" There was loud scuffling downstairs, I could hear it, but for some reason it felt as if I was stuck, like I couldn't move or something.

"I'm not just giving up on her."

"All because of some glimpse of hope." I tried to open my eyes, but they were covered by a haziness. My vision was foggy, like waking up after a long needed rest, but you had to rub your eyes because they were kind of blurry.

"Fiona, if you were her, right now, wouldn't you want me to find you too?" There was a silence, a brief pause, it was enough for me to question my own sanity. Was my conscience talking to me, or was I just losing it all?

The sound of their footsteps got closer. I wanted, so badly, to get up and call out to Danny, but my body was drained and I just layed there. "I think the past won this time, I think it might have gotten to me."