Operation Heartbreak // Irwin

2.5

I'm here on a mission and I will not fail.

Ashton's birthday is tomorrow and I still haven't finished writing out the 100 reasons. It was tempting to just stop at 50 and leave it there, but Ashton deserved more than that. I had asked Anne-Marie to take Ashton out of the house so I could finish this, they were due to arrive in an hour but I it looked like I needed longer.

I sighed currently on 83 and not knowing what else to add. I liked Ashton, I really did, but it was so indescribable. I couldn't break it up into 100 different things. I just liked him, I liked all of him.

I sat there with the 17 blank sheets of paper lying in front of me. I didn't want to make random excuses, so I decided to see what the fans said. Of course I wouldn't choose any I didn't agree with myself but it was worth a shot.

@xBellaRose: Why does the 5SOS fam like Ashton?

I let my phone sit for a minute, giving the fans a minute to type. Sure enough I received heaps of replies, some really helped. I loved how they didn't only like his because of his looks.

@lashtonsgiggle: He doesn't let a bad mood ruin his encounters with other people

@maybecth: He makes cute videos for us

@Carla5SOS: His singing is amazing

@expensivemuke: He works hard

Although there was a lot of positive comments, there was more then the usual amount of hate.

@caketimesmash: You're his girlfriend, you should like him more then us

@hemmingslegend: Why does Ashton like you?

@hoodsgirl: That's so rude, I can't believe you said that

It took a moment, but by the time I read that last reply I realised what had happened.

@xBellaRose: I'm so sorry!! It seems some of you took my tweet the wrong way. I'm doing something for Ash's birthday tomorrow

@fvckingafi: Sorry Bella, I didn't mean what I said

@pizzasos: Ooh what are you doing?

@punk_penguin: Still a bitch

@calxrejects: Who cares? You don't deserve someone like Ashton

As I scrolled through my mentions trying to find the good tweets, there were to many bad ones. The hate all came and I didn't know what to do. I needed to log off but I also needed to finish these reasons. You only have 6 left, just keep going, I told myself, so I did. I went through trying to find the tweets that had reasons I hadn't used but I couldn't find any.

I sat there and let the tears fall freely. All the hateful words got to me, I couldn't keep it in any longer. Each word echoed through my brain, my own mind telling me that I was those things.

I had my back to the door, so I didn't know Ashton walked in until I heard his voice, "Hey Bella, how was your day?" I fumbled with the jar and placed my jumper over it. I tried to stop crying, I didn't want Ashton to think I was needy, but it hurt so much. "Wait are you crying?" He asked placing a hand on my cheek, "Holy shit you're crying"

"What's wrong?" I tried to talk but the words wouldn't come. "Bella, please tell me what happened" Ashton said with a sweet voice, "I want to help you princess"

It meant absolutely everything to me that Ashton was there for me, but I still felt ashamed. He had enough going on in his life, he didn't need me. The voices in my head told me to leave, told me that I was just holding Ashton back. They taunted me with words.