Operation Heartbreak // Irwin

1.9

I'm here on a mission and I will not fail.

"Second night for filming the DVD" I told Ashton as fixed his hair a little, "You excited?"

He smiled widely, "Super excited" The boys were filming a DVD at Wembley for the three nights they were playing shows, there was other elements for the DVD like interviews and stuff, even things that were filmed back in December last year, but this was the main part.

"Well go out there and rock out with your socks out" I said in an attempt to make a joke.

Ashton sighed at my lame joke, "That was so bad" I giggled and pressed my lips to his, it had become sort of a ritual now, every time he went onstage he kissed me first because I was his good luck charm.

I watched as Ashton ran out onstage and started playing the drums, standing to the side with Kelsey to my left I watched as the boys bounced around the stage. They were up to She Looks So Perfect, I watched as Michael owned the stage, I was standing on his side.

It all happened so quickly, he ran offstage and grabbed the cool towel that was on the table beside me. Michael threw his guitar to the ground, and that was when it hit me, he had been hit by the pyrotechnics.

"Michael" I screamed, I heard the boy let out a cry. "Zop, Dave, Kelsey" I didn't know who I needed, I was in too much shock. The paramedics that we had just incase came running and helped me, keeping the towel on Michael, we moved him away form the side of the stage.

The other three boys came running off the stage after finishing the song, "Where's Michael?" Ashton asked me.

"His hair caught on fire, he's getting treated by the paramedics" I said, finally believing the words that fell out of my mouth. Up until that moment I had been trying to convince myself that I was just dreaming, but I wasn't Michael actually got hit.

Zop came over to the boys, "Are you continuing with the show?"

"We can't Michael need to go to hospital, and Cal needs to get his arm checked, he got hit too" Luke answered with a shaky voice.

"If you're not going to do it that's okay" Zop assured them, "But someone needs to tell the fans"

"I'll do it" I watched as Ashton walked onstage to address the crowd at Wembley, "Michael has hurt himself, I'm really sorry but we will not be continuing with the show, I love you all thank you" Ashton ran offstage.

Zop spoke to me, "Bella, you need to come with me to the hospital, the boys will meet us there, but Michael needs a friend with him to help with the shock" I nodded and rushed over to the boys still in pain. We arrived at the hospital in an ambulance and were rushed into a private room where the doctors immediately treated him. Zop and I stood outside the room, Daryl was the first person to arrive.

"How is he?" I couldn't imagine how he must be feeling, he just watched his son get hit by pyrotechnics.

Not trusting my words I let Zop answer, "He's not good, but he will be. Michael's not going to let this stop him from living his dream"

The other boys walked over to us, all three of them looking extremely sad, there was no smiles on their face or glimmer in their eyes. They looked almost lifeless. Their best friend getting hurt had definitely taken a toll on them. Calum was taken into another room so that the doctors could look at his arm quickly, he was fine, just needed a bandage on it.

Zop and Daryl had to go into Michael's room first but we were finally allowed to see him. I let the boys walk in ahead of me, they all spoke to with serious voices. After a while they managed to go back to their old conversations and joked around with one another. Due to their only being 3 seats, I was sitting in Ashton's lap, but I let the four boys talk and acte as though I wasn't even there.

"I have to take even more medication now" Michael groaned, I looked up fully involved in this conversation.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not trying to be rude, but still being curious.

The boys all exchanged glances with one another, all of which ended up with the boys all looking at Michael. He sighed, "She may as well know, it was bound to come out sooner or later" I didn't want to force them to tell me anything but I was confused.

"We'll give you two some time alone to talk about it then" Luke said, the three walked out of the room.

"Bella, I have a panic disorder" He spoke, his voice just above a whisper, "That's why he freaked out when the fans mobbed me. I can't control the panic attacks they're always going to happen, but I have to take a fair bit of medication to make sure that they don't happen onstage" Michael spoke so quietly, as if he was afraid that I would judge him for this.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself calm, it was heartbreaking knowing that someone like him went through so much. Michael was one of the sweetest boys I had ever met, he didn't deserve all of this. "Mike, what happens? What does a panic attack feel like?"

He paused, "Physically it starts with my heart rate skyrocketing, I start have trouble breathing, not like I'm suffocating but just feeling like I can't take a big enough breath to get the air I need. I get sensitive to touch, like I feel that my muscles are weaker like when you have a flu" He explained, I nodded taking in every word that he was saying.

"It feels as if the world is rushing at me. Noises become very pronounced and it makes my head swim. Sometimes I can find it difficult to focus, sometimes I feel disoriented. My heart rate soars and I become very aware of my breathing" I sighed sadly listening to this poor boy tell me about the struggles he had to go through.

It really put things into perspective though. Michael is the kind of guy who's always smiling, positive energy just radiates off of him. He just wants everyone around him to be happy and he'll do whatever he can to make that happen. To anyone who doesn't know him, Michael would seem like a super bubbly person who's always positive. However, you can't say the same if you know him. Yes, he is joyful, and always helping others, but he has his own battles that he's fighting. His own demons. These panic attacks made his life pretty shit, but he still made the best of every situation.

"Bella?" Michael said pulling me away from my thoughts, "Can you take a photo of me? Just so I can post it online and tell the fans not to worry" I nodded and snapped a picture with my phone. Handing it over I let Michael log into his Twitter and tweet it, he also posted it on his Instagram.

"Can I take a selfie of us and post it on my Instagram?" I asked him, the boy who's hair was now jet black nodded, I sat on his good side and took a picture of us. Posting it with the caption, Still smiling even though the hard times, so proud of you @michaelgclifford keep smiling :)

The rest of the band entered the room, and we all talked and laughed until Michael was allowed to leave. Instead of going back to the hotel we decided to go and surprise someone.

****

I cried writing about Michael's accident. I'll never forget the emotions I felt at 6am when I watched him run offstage through a crappy live stream, only to find out that he was hit by the pyrotechnics.

We are so close to me adding another element to this story, and then the main climax of the story. But to be annoying, I'm not going to say anything more about it until it happens.

This is like the first cliffhanger of the story so you can't be mad at me. It's not even that big, I swear you could guess it if you thought about it for a minute or so.

Stay Beautiful

- Jacqui xx