Random Rambles - Poems

*3*

Tired.

Inspiration: Personal experience, 'Save My Heart' by Jason Reeves

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Most of us have someone we can't have - and I don't fall short on that. So many potential boyfriends and yet here I am complaining - want to know why?

It's because sometimes - or rather, most of the time - we just can't have want we want.

A gentleman, one who values his principles highly, and friendly - it's something a girl like me is looking for. Frankly it's tough to look, especially when we're often advised to wait for our "one".

It's tough.

Christian, plays Dota2, (or at least knows his way with games), taller than me (due to the potential recalling of unwanted old memories),... These are the things that I can identify that attract me to a lad. He would comb his hair a certain way, act a certain way, and well these all would count in the biological and perhaps psychological part that affects our degree of attraction to a person / guy - or at least just me.

Being a girl who plays Dota and prefers hanging out with guys who're gentlemen and plays well and can handle themselves - sometimes it's hard to tell if one of them is attracted to you or not. Simple gentleman-like actions are amplified.

It makes me go nuts trying to figure things out. I'm younger than the lads, making me "available". The ones that I'd be interested in / pay more attention to are the ones who already have a girlfriend, or is already interested in someone else.

Stone me, burn me, fire me with critism - here you have the confused thoughts of a girl who'll be turning seventeen in September.

I'm tired of giving crap about the things that go on around me. As an ambivert, I used to be more on the extravert side, but now, it seems like I'm an extravert choosing to be quiet.

It's just so tiring, having to go through the "me --> This guy <--> This girl" cycle -- the equilibrium reaction just really doesn't work between someone I really wish to be with and I. I'm tired of trying to figure out how boy-girl relationships should work, I'm tired of falling for guys who never really gives a crap, I'm tired of having to play the evasion card in fear that I may be leading on a poor lad when I really am just uninterested and don't want the lad to get hurt because I know how painful it is to suffer heart aches over people we're interested in unmutually.

I'm just so tired of messing around with relationships.

I want what I can't have - but why do I bother about it so much especially since it causes me so much heart ache and confusion. Heck, I'm not even trying to recover from a heart ache from a guy's rejection.

Oh dear Lord, please ease my frustrations.