Lost (A Loki's Daughter Fan fiction)

Don't let go

{ Loki }

I pace around the gardens, worried. The healers sent me away because apparently it's not healthy for me to be sitting around her all day. As if worrying about her beacuse I'm not next to her is healthier.

It's been a week since I brought her back and for whatever reason, the frostgiants haven't attacked. It's as if they don't want to fight with her in asgard. At this point, I'm not sure whether to be relieved or worried.

" Loki." My brother's voice cuts through my thoughts.

"Yes Thor" I reply, not really wanting to talk to anybody.

"I know hard this is for you, but-"

"Do you really? You don't have a daughter, you never had a wife so you certainly never lost her. No thor you don't know how hard this is for me." I snap.

He looks slightly taken aback, not necessarily hurt but he was definitely not expecting that to be my reaction.

He nods slowly and I can't help but feel guilty. Just because Layana is nearly dead doesn't mean I can treat my brother like this.

"Thor... I ...um ... I'm sorry. I just need some space." I say, trying my best to keep my voice from carrying all the emotions stored in my head.

He smiles, "of course, brother."

Then he walks away, still seeming rather concerned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spend all day in the garden, some would say moping, but I prefer the term coping.

They say her condition hasn't changed since the night I brought her back, but I can see through their lies. They say she is going to survive this, they sound so sure, but their eyes are awful at hiding the truth. They don't actually think she's going to make it. Why can't they just tell me? Why do thay have to lie?

The soft but urgent footstep of Thor bring me back out of my thoughts.

"Broher." He says, his voice drenched in sorrow.

The look on his face tells me everything, Layana isn't doing well.

I nod slowly, trying to find some small detail suggesting that this is merely a nightmare, but there isn't. This is real.

I let Thor lead me to Layana, who is lying on a bed, surrounded by healers.

When I see her helpless body, my heart shatters into a million pieces. I know that if she were to die, I would fall into a dark hole. If she dies I will have lost everything.

I want to fall to the ground in an eruption of tears, the mask of strength and intimation slipping off my face and landing on the ground with a clater, to reveal a heartbroken boy.

I look to the nearest healer, all of my hopes resting on the answer of the unspoken question. Will she make it?

When she shakes her head, time seems to freeze and I fall to the ground. The agony created by the truth rips me apart as I sit there, staring into space. My heart longing for her to return. My brain telling my heart to stop making impossible wishes. My eyes telling them both that there's still a chance, we just have to wait.

When I get up, time resumes, though it never really stopped. I find a chair and pull it up to the bed, waiting.

I sing her a lullaby, the one she loved as a baby. I hold her hand. I stroke her hair. I kiss her forehead. I don't know what I wanted to happen when I did all those things, but when she stays the same, my heart sinks.

Hold on Layana.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know how long I stay there, hours, days, weeks, but with each second that she stays unconscious, my heart sinks even further into the chasm than I thought possible.

I rarely talk to anyone anymore. I don't go to dinner, I don't go to my room to sleep. I stay in the room, with Layana.

The healers try to kick me out, saying something about how it's not goo for my health to be sitting around all day. I believe them, they are healers afterall. I stay anyways.

This pattern goes on until one day.

I wake up somewhat sore from using the chair as my bed for who knows how long. I look at Layana expecting to see what I always see. The gentle rise and fall of her chest while she sleeps and the occasional minor movement.

What I see brings panick and fear into my head. There is no rise and fall. She isn't breathing!

I gently reach out my hand to touch her skin only to find it colder than ice.

I panick, summoning the healers, hoping against all odds that it's not too late.

When they get here, I start pacing around the room, as they do evey test known. I fall into the dark hole I knew I would enter, each test result declaring her dead pushes me further until it's the last test.

I wait for what feels like hours, though it is just minutes. Then a healer comes toward me, a look of complete and utter sorrow on her face.

"I'm sorry"

The words that tore me apart as I stood here with a baby in my arms, waiting for my wife to come back, so long ago.

"She's dead." she continues.

My already destroyed heart takes one more beating as I let this news sink in.

Dead. She's gone. I'll never see her again.