Of Fire and Ice

C.68

Mystogan used his Mist Magic and traveled alongside me riding on Ari to this island to rescue the wife and two daughters of this rich man. He was willing to pay fifty million to us, and the pirates wanted eighty billion, but he didn't have that much money.

We found a little abandoned cabin on the edge of the island and decided to take a rest before we got to work. "You aren't uncomfortable sleeping in the same room with me, are you?" He asked and I laughed. "No. Not really." I shrugged. "What would your boyfriend say?" He asked and I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't have to know. And it's not like anything will happen." I said, then looked over with a glare.

"You make one move and I burn your face off. Then you'll have an actual reason to wear a mask." I said and he nodded, taking the mask off. I couldn't help but stare.

"They say you look like a guy named Jellal. I personally have no clue who Jellal is, I've never met him. But I remember you telling Erza that you aren't Jellal at the Battle of Fairy Tail." I hummed.

"You seem like you can keep a secret. Am I right?" He asked, sitting beside me and I nodded. "Of course. I'm right now keeping a secret from the entire guild and all my friends, even my sister. I'm amazing at keeping secrets." I said and he smiled.

"Mystogan isn't my real name. My name is actually Jellal. There is another Jellal, but he's just like a different version of me, like a clone. I guess it would be more appropriate to say that he's my evil twin, but we aren't twins. In a very confusing way, he is me, and I am him." He said and I nodded. "I get that. And I'll keep your secret. Now, the question is, do you want me to call you Jellal or Mystogan?" I asked.

"Jellal." He chuckled and I grinned. "It feels nice to have my real name said out loud." He hummed. "Yeah, I bet." I nodded.

"Tell me a secret of yours." He said and I bit my lip and looked over to a sleeping Ariadne. "Fine. But you promise not to tell a single soul?" I hissed and he nodded.

"Well, I've told my friends that I see a therapist. I've been seeing one for a while now. When they asked why, I told them because I'm a trainwreck and we all know it. I mean, I might as well get help for it, right?" I said and he nodded.

"That's not why I see a therapist." I admitted, looking down into my lap. "I haven't even talked to my therapist about this yet, but I've been making plans to." I took a breath. "I feel as if there's a hole inside my chest, where I can't see it, and it's draining all the life and all the good put of me. I don't really know when I noticed it, but I started noticing things like... like I found joy in people's suffering. Death didn't bother me anymore. If I killed someone, I knew I'd get away with it if I shed a few tears and acted distressed for a few days. I want power. I want to be in such a high position that I can look down on others and know that they fear me because I hold their lives in my hands." I said.

"There's my secret." I said and he just stared at me. "Well, I think it's good you're seeing a therapist, then." He joked and I laughed. "It's also sad, because I can't feel emotions. That hole in my chest doesn't let me feel emotion. I tell Grey I love him constantly, but I don't know what love feels like." I sighed.

"So I see a therapist to figure out if something's wrong with me. Am I a little screwy in the head? Am I a demon without knowing it? I'm just trying to figure it out." I shrugged and chuckled.

"We should get some sleep." He said and I nodded. He turned out the lights and I stared at the cieling, thinking over my revelation in darkness until I passed out.