The Heartbreaker (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 27

Harry's P.O.V

I felt so confused when I woke up on the beach. I thought I was dead but then I realized the boys had saved me. I stared into Louis' deep blue eyes and his face stained with tears to see he had been worried and when he told me I technically did die, I looked around to see the other boys' faces just like his. A wave of guilt hit me as I realize how selfish that had been. Those boys are my reason to stay and to see the pain I put them through by giving up made me feel so much worst. Of course I didn't tell them about that so I just went along with Louis' story that I probably hit my head. Although, a small part of me; the darker part of me can't help but feel disappointed. Disappointed that it didn't work and I am still alive. I try and get rid of that thought because even though I had been depressed and not exactly in the best state of mind these last few months, I had never been suicidal. Only once when I was fourteen but that was a long time ago. I tried to overdose by taking all of my mum's anti-depressant but she found me in time and rushed me to the hospital and I hadn't tried again since then, for her. I saw how much pain that caused her and I promised myself I would never try and do it again because it would only hurt the people around me. Sadness and guilt rushed through me as I realized I had just broken that promise I had made to myself. I had tried and failed once more to end my life and again it has only brought more guilt and pain to me.

I lie in my bed right now and replay today's events. I am still nervous about Niall's talk but hopefully with my near death experience he forgot about it. The boys are downstairs making some food while Liam sent me upstairs to take a nap because I really was exhausted when we got back to the house and my throat is killing me. A soft knock on my door takes me out of my thoughts and I sit up on my bed.

"Come in." I see a blonde head poking out of the door and giving me a soft smile. I smile back but mentally smack myself in the head. I should have just not answered he would have thought I was asleep.

"Hey Harry, how are you feeling?" He comes and sits beside me and I shrug.

"Fine I guess if you consider the fact that I died today."

"Right." That leaves us in an awkward silence and I cough awkwardly

"So did you want me to come downstairs or something?" I finally say and he shakes his head.

"Harry we need to talk." He gets up from the bed and shuts the door completely.

"No Niall we really don't need to." I say and you can hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Harry mate please talk to me. You can't keep this bottled up forever." He pleads me.

"Yeah well I've been doing a pretty good job at it for about a year now so I think I'm good." I snap and he seems taken aback.

"Harry we've always been close friends what happened?" He goes to put his hand on my shoulder but I back away. I feel the flashbacks coming back into my head but I try and push them away and stay here in the room with Niall. I can't have this right now he doesn't need to see this.

"Niall please let it go." My voice cracks but he just shakes his head.

"Harry we are not leaving this room until you talk to me." I shake my head and hug my knees to my chest. A silence fills the room as he waits for me to say something but my mind is exploding right now.

"Harry." He pleads once more and I finally look back at him.

"Why do you even care? Why now? It doesn't make any sense to me." I finally let out and what I say seems to shock him as he frowns.

"Harry I care about you, I want to help you get better, I want to see you happy with Louis again that's when I truly saw that you were happy. You always smiled when Louis was around holding your hand or even sitting close to you. And it was a real smile not the fake one you had been giving us for the last 14 months. I did notice how you were never happy anymore, barely talked during interviews, always ending up drunk somewhere. You had bags under your eyes even though you were in bed for half the day and your eyes I saw you sometimes were red and puffy like you'd been crying. You stopped eating and I am certain you lost at least fifteen pounds. I never knew it was this bad though until I saw you today. Why did you do this to yourself?"

"If you had seen it months ago why didn't you try and help? Why did none of you notice then or did anything to help me? Why did you sign that damn contract?" I answer back, stuttering slightly on the last question and ignoring his. He seems taken aback by my answer and takes a minute to think about it.

"Because Harry I thought it was just a phase and you would get better. I admit it did take a while to notice but at some point we all did and we just thought you were going through some stuff and soon we'd get our Harry back. I know now we should have done something we should have helped you and that contract was not the answer." I close my eyes and let the tears fall freely down my face and shake my head.

"I don't think it would have helped anyways." I whisper and look down

"Yes it would have Harry it would have made a huge difference! You wouldn't have gone through this alone we would have been there for you trust me mate!"

"How can I?" I say and look back up to meet his blue eyes and I see the guilt on his face and what seems to be a flash of understanding in his eyes.

It was in that moment Niall finally saw how Harry had truly lost faith in everyone. The four people who he had trusted with his life went behind his back and signed a contract meant to break his heart. That is something Harry will never forget nor forgive easily and they were far from getting his trust back but at least he was creating some progress by making him talk.

"Harry." Niall starts. "I want you to listen to me we are all terribly sorry that contract was a mistake we should never have listened to Modest's words we thought that maybe if you fell in love with Lou you would be happier. We wanted to help you and we did Harry you were so happy with Lou it made us all forget about the last part of the contract. We never wanted for you to find out it meant nothing to us anymore. Believe me, please." I see Niall's eyes watering and I pull him into a hug and he sobs on my shoulder. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I can see Niall feels guilty about all this but what about the others? What about Louis?

I fell so deep into depression; it was horrible until somehow everything went back up when I fell in love with Louis. I thought someone had finally tried and given me a second chance or even just a slight possibility that I could be happy. And I was, until everything fell back down right when I put my hands on that contract. My walls came back up and everything I had finally been able to put behind me when I was with Louis all came back at once. Should I risk it again?

"I'll try Niall." I finally whisper in his ear.