[Wattys '13 FINALIST] How Can I Love You When I Hate You So Much? (Draco Malfoy)

How Can I Love You When I Hate You So Much? (Draco Malfoy) Chapter 31

Chapter 31 When I figure it out, we'll both know the answer to that one

I walked into the Slytherin common room and found Malfoy seated on my usual couched. I scoffed and headed for the stairs to the girl's door.

"Jezzy!" Malfoy said softly.

"Don't even go there, Ferret. You are the LAST person I want to talk to right now." I said icily. I could see that my words hurt him. He flinched slightly, but stepped forward.

"I'm so sorry, Jezzy. I didn't know it was you. I would never-"

"But you did know it was my friends, Malfoy. You knew exactly what you were doing, and I can't stand you for it. Don't talk to me right now. I can't even bear to look at you. Just leave me alone." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, and I couldn't deny the fact that the familiar warmth and the smell of peppermint and cologne made me feel incredibly safe. I sighed and burrowed my face into his neck for a moment before the anger bubbled back up.

"I can't. I just can't do this right now, Draco. I need to go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

— BY ORDER OF —
THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC

Dolores Jane Umbridge (High Inquisitor) has replaced
Albus Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts School of
Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The above is in accordance with
Educational Decree Number Twenty-eight.

Signed:
Cornelius Oswald Fudge
MINISTER OF MAGIC

This notice was all over school the next morning. I was having trouble feeling more than a dull ache. I don't know why, but Malfoy's deception hurt more than I thought it would. On top of it, I couldn't shake the vision from my head. Who was I supposed to save? Harry? Fred? Dra- I couldn't think on it any more. I sighed and made my way to classes.

The whole day was kind of just a haze. Barrage of questions from random students on what happened in Dumbledore's office. Draco's icy glares. It felt like nothing mattered today, and it was not a feeling I had dealt with since the orphanage. It was not a feeling I liked.

I decided to spend lunch in my room, unable to get the extra umph to go downstairs. Denae asked me what was wrong, but I just shrugged. She gave up fairly quickly on trying to get me downstairs.

I got up and walked to my desk, feeling like writing was the best way to get my feelings out. I decided to write a letter to Sirius, because why the hell not. Who else gave a damn about me, anyway?

Dear Padfoot,

I don't know if I can do this anymore. I can't pretend like everything is okay when the truth is they all hate me. I am not sure how you expect me to help them when most of them can barely even look at me. The only person that even really talks to me anymore is the Ferret, and that is as good company as Snivellus. I could really use some kind of advice on what I am supposed to do here. I know I can do better, but I can't figure out how. Also, I had a weird vision that I can't figure out, and I am not sure how to word it. I don't even know who I should talk to about it. I have no one left here.

I wish I could come see you. Maybe over the next holiday, I don't know. I miss you loads. Write me back when you get the chance.

Luv ya!

<3 Jez

I folded the letter and tucked it into my jeans pocket before heading out the common room toward the owlery. I got to the entrance hall when everything started to explode.