A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

2: Not Jealous.

I always feel taken away on my motorcycle. Wind in my hair to clear my head. But only for ten minutes. I'm at Riley's. Time to play happy.
 

I kill the engine and climb up the fire escape into Riley's room. Pink, purple and happiness. Ok here we go...

"What's up Riles?" I say all cheerful and walk to sit on her bed.

Riley gives me a thoughtful look. Her hazel brown eyes starring directly into mine. For a moment there I feel uncomfortable. What was she looking for on my less pretty face?

  "Umm... what?" I asked feeling a bit self-conscious. I only feel that way when Riley or Lucas give me such a look. I don't really care what others think of me.

  "Oh nothing. How are you?" Riley answers.
 
Well she was definitely thinking something. "I'm good."

That kinda might be a lie. I look at around then at Riley. "You're not ready, we're gonna be late. Not that I'm complaining if we're ditching." I say. I hate school. Feels like a prison.

"We're going to school alright, I was just thinking."

"Ok, whatever it is. Let's go. You want to see Lucas right?"

  "As usual and always." Riley says with glee.
 
It's their thing. Every morning at school Riley always feels she needs to see Lucas before she goes on to being Riley again.
 
It makes me sick. Not jealousy. Sadness. If only l could have someone feel that way about me and feel the same.
 
  I leave my motorcycle in the Mathews's garage and hop in Riley's car and she drives us to school. I always wish I could enjoy the breeze and speed in my motorcycle to school but Riley insists. "Please Maya, I don't know what I'd do to myself if anything happened to you on that 'death thing'."she said. I hate to make her sad. Again she's not as strong as me to cope with somethings like sadness.
 
Riley talks about Lucas and she's happy so I 'be' happy. Yay...
 
It felt like a a day in an hour of Biology. Mr Jones is talking a lot and now it's lunch. We sit at our usual table. 'We' means; Riley and her Prince(being all adorable), and me(sad but 'playing happy') and the one person who never seizes to amaze me.
 
Farkle Minkus. Weird name. Weird person. But Farkle has changed though. Cropped hair, he's stopped wearing turtle necks and he looks a bit like the new Justin Bieber(the trying to be a bad boy thing).

He still very annoyingly smart and has given up on his weird emotion he calls love for Riley. But not me. Sad. I wish I could tell him I'm not someone who gets loved.
 
  Riley and Lucas had English earlier and since I'm still on Operation 'Playing Happy'. I ask, "How was English, cowboy?" With a southern accent.

  "English was great, Maya. How was Biology?" He says curtly. Too curtly. How will things ever go back to being playful with me before he started dating Riley. Maybe it's some kind of boy thing. To be act really weird in front of your girlfriend's best friend.
 
I'm worried. I really like Lucas as a friend and whatnot and don't want to lose him cause he's dating Riley.
 
Then I realize something. Something the two of us did like four years ago. I ignore Lucas' brief rudeness and say;
  "Riley I hope you're not offended by this long time ago act Lucas seems to have forgotten about."

  "What?" Riley and Lucas say in unison.
 
I look at Riley then at Lucas.
 
I place my index finger on the tip of his nose. "Boop" I say quite loud.
 
Lucas chuckles and Riley laughs, "Oh that. Good times." She says with nostalgic tone.

  "Yeah." I say quite disappointed that I didn't receive much of a reaction from Lucas.

  "Yeah." Farkle says. "Remember when you two were my dates to that award show with that girl, Smackle?" He was clearly trying to change the subject.

"That was a pretty weird dress I wore, don't you think guys?"

"Naw, Riley you looked beautiful." Lucas said looking at her the whole time since I booped  him.

"You weren't there Lucas." She reminded him.

"I agree, you looked unique." I said         truthfully.

  "Thanks, you too Maya"

LWell you always look perfect to me no matter what you're wearing." Lucas said and pulled her close so his chin was on her head and he kissed it slightly. Riley looked up and the two of them were lip locking.
 
Farkle cleared his throat quietly. He looked at me. "Let's just date." He said quietly. "Then we'd both stop feeling jealous."
 
I chuckled then scoffed, "Oh please Farkle, I'm not jealous and we are not dating."
 
Besides I wasn't jealous. Sadness washed over me each time I saw couples. But why? Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe I should just start going out with someone and maybe I'd be actually happy. I looked at Farkle. He wasn't so bad. Wait, was I that desperate?

  "We'll talk about this later." I said quickly to Farkle then walked to the bin to drop my soda can I barely drank and walked off to my Calculus class.