A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

20: No Hopes, No Disappointment.

He came.

The rich nerd came to see me.

He cares.

Farkle came to visit on Day three at the hospital. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. He didn't really leave. He said he was going to get us some burgers for our camp out but then he came back and I wasn't there.

He was afraid. He thought he'd never se me again. He blamed himself so much but then he decided to come and check my house.

That's when he brought me to the hospital. He said he found me sprawled on the floor naked(he didn't add the naked part but when I thought back, I came out of the shower without clothes). So he called my mom and told her everything and apologized so much and took responsibility.

I told him he shouldn't have. Besides it was all my fault. I was to blame I shouldn't have just left. That's when he asked me how I got home. And I told him about Lucas. His lips were in a thin line and he just nodded.

We picked right up where we left off that night. We talked about him. I didn't want to but we talked about me too.

He asked me why I was always so hopeless.

My reply was simple: "No hopes, no disappointment."

I hadn't decided on going any further than that. I was being as straight forward as I could be but he pressed on.

"Why."

"Farkle," I sighed.

"Oh you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said, disappointment lurking around his voice.

I didn't want to.

"It's really not like that, just a lot of things have been going on and I'm just so..."

"It's okay Maya, maybe when you get better." He patted my shoulder.

He was perched beside me on my hospital bed. I had him this close, but I didn't want him in my head, not yet. He didn't have to know what really has me this way; sadness. He doesn't have to know I'm faking everything. I'm a prisoner in my head. Sadness haunts me, I'm tortured by hope.

I'm a bleak kind of happy.

We left the hospital in Farkle's car; Farkle, my mom and I. He'd offered to take us out for dinner. I denied the offer saying I wanted to get some rest. When we reached my house, my mom unloaded the trunk with my stuff and carried them inside.

Still in the car, I turned to look at Farkle.

"Thanks for everything." I said.

"No problem." He said.

Silence. I recalled that time when he gave me a ride to Riley's house. I recalled that kiss on the cheek I gave him.

It seemed appropriate now. But it still felt kinda weird. You'd think after he's seen me naked and laid on a bed with me I'd be pretty comfortable around Farkle, but I was nervous. My chest felt tight, I was fidgeting with my fingers to avoid looking into his eyes.

"Maya," he called breaking the silence.

"Yeah-" I was cut off. He pressed his lips on mine.

It was a quick kiss but it was intense. I was feeling a lot of things inside me during those four seconds. I didn't even have time think when he pulled away.

"Bye." He said softly, staring ahead.

I was stunned. It took all I could to open the door and step out.

Once I was out, he sped away. My fingertips traced my lips. My eyes locked on his car till it was a black dot in the distance.

"Bye." I mumbled. 

Dedicated to nayeliisawesome.