A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

8: Reflex.

"Umm, why did you just come out of Farkle's car? I'm confused, cause a while ago...? Riley asked.

Okay I should have went with my instincts and gotten out of the car before we got to Riley's street. But I didn't want to to make him feel bad. I don't know how much Farkle can cope with disappointment but I wasn't planning on doing that. I was simply trying to be nice after I'd once again, rejected him. I wanted to say yes because of my desperation but as soon as he said those words my response was like a reflex.

"No." I said curt. Then I realized the change in his expression. "Not that you're not good enough." I sighed.

"This is so cliché." I muttered then said, "It's not you, it's me, everything is wrong with me, please Farkle not today. Can you take me to Riley's?"

He nodded. A sad look on his face. I really feel bad but I should stop. He'll get over,it if not soon eventually.

It was a wordless car ride back to Riley's house. Only the silent purr of his sleek black Honda filling the air. He honked his horn and I saw Riley standing outside waving.

I couldn't just get out like that, I needed to make this right. He shouldn't go home miserable or whatever.

I shot him a smile. "Thanks for the coffee. It was so good." I mumbled. Farkle just nodded.

I took in a deep breath and sighed. Oh. well whatever I'm sure he stop being mopey when I'm done.  "Just speed away after this." I warned.
Still no response.

I gave him a kiss him lightly on his cheek and I opened the door and walked towards an astonished Riley. Farkle didn't need to see me blush.

Oh my God I was blushing. Weird.

I couldn't risk a glance back at Farkle. But he followed my instruction and zoomed away. Good. Whatever, he should be okay now.

Farkle didn't see me blush. But Riley did. In fact she saw me kiss Farkle. And now it's obvious what she'll want. An explanation. Or as weird, happy-for-no-reason and gossip infatuated teenagers would say, deets.

"Oh hey Riles." I say nonchalant, "What's up."

"What's up is I'm going mental for answers right now."

"I see, well I left my motorcycle in your garage," Riley shuddered at the word motorcycle. "And I didn't feel like walking so I called Farkle." Lie.

"Well you could have always called me to come over." Riley said disappointed,"But I'm happy Farkle finally knows where you live."

"Yeah." I mumbled. Hmm, so Riley didn't show Farkle where I live then. Stalker maybe?

"So, you not only came by Farkle's car, but you kissed him?"

"On the cheek." I corrected, "it was simply an act of appreciation, nothing else."

"Nothing else, you blushed." Riley cocks an eyebrow at me, "And I don't think I've seen you do that before."

Ok what should I say? I did blush. But not for the reason you'd think. I actually don't think I know why I did that. Maybe because Riley was watching. I still don't say anything.

"It...um...just felt weird maybe." I said hesitant.

"Well alright." She said giggling, "Maybe someone is getting feelings."

Huh? Feelings? "The feeling was nothing but mutual." I retorted bluntly.

"Oh, that's too bad. You two look cute together." She sounded disappointed.

We're ending this conversation, I'm feeling desperate. Ugh, why did I kiss Farkle. Even though it was on the cheek,Riley saw. She thinks I have feelings. Now I feel weak. I've now become prone to feelings  from another person's eyes. Riley will think I've actually softened up. Now I'm sure she believes two main things that are not true about me; I'm actually happy everyday and not sad because of my incompleteness, and I can feel feelings.

"Let's go inside okay, I really miss Auggie." I say, it's been quite a while since I saw Riley's eight year old brother.

Riley slung an arm over my shoulders and we walked into her house.