A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

16: Backfire.

MAYA

I've tightened my grip on Lucas' waist. I don't what to think right now. I can't even be happy because it seems Lucas might actually care for me. I can't even be happy that I'm actually riding on a horse behind him. But then again I can't be happy.

I already know that since I've lost hope in anything good happening to me,I am always going to be sad. But that night yesterday with Farkle I couldn't help but to just hope. I felt some sort of freedom with him. Like I could relate to him. Like he really cares about me. Like he wanted me to be happy.

But when I hope, then everything backfires.

My freedom left me to fall asleep. I was guessing I was safe beside Farkle. Then I wake up and he's gone.

My somewhat happiness when I was with him the night before just came crashing down. I felt betrayed and so sad. I didn't want to think something bad might have happened to him when I didn't see him when I woke up. So what again could I have wondered.

It all then felt like betrayal. Right after we've shared our fears then he just leaves. How could I not have expected him to care?

Right now, I'm here on horse back with Lucas, who has been my crush since  we met on the subway when we were twelve, crushed my dreams when he began ignoring me and dating my best friend, who is part of the reasons for my sadness and I don't even know what to say to him, how to behave, what to think all because of Farkle.

***

We finally arrive at Lucas' house. We haven't  said anything to each other since we left the middle of nowhere. He climbs off his horse and he grabs my hand to help me climb down. I stand at the porch of his house and wait as he walks his horse towards the backyard, I'm guessing to the stables. 

I use this time to observe my surroundings. I've never been to Lucas' house before. It's quite grand, in a 1950s building style. It's painted in a warm sky blue. And in the porch I'm standing in is some kind of garden on the right. Lovely home.

"So um..." Lucas says. I didn't realize he was back and standing at the entrance of the porch.

"Take me home." I say blandly

"Home?" He chuckles. "Don't you want to come inside, or want a drink?, or take a shower or something?"

I tongue was dry, my stomach was growling, mud was on my skin.
"Please take me home."

"Maya." He says entering the porch. "You need to at least drink some water before you go. It won't be gentlemanly of me to let you go home like this."

"I want to go home."

He comes closer holding my hand, "Please."

I keep my eyes down. "Home."

He sighs and steps back. "Okay."

I follow him to the garage where a see a blue pick up truck. He signals for me to get in and I do.

It was a silent ride. I didn't say anything to him, he didn't say anything to me. I tried to keep my eyes from looking at him but I could feel him sending stares in my direction.

Once we're in front of my house, I unlock my seatbelt and open the door   Then Lucas grips my hand. I turn to face him.

"Maya. Remember that I just did this in your interest, I would never let any person leave my sights without any hospitality."

I nod.  "I know."

"And Farkle will be sorry for doing this to you." He says darkly.

I sigh, I really didn't want to say anything more to him. "Please Lucas, just leave Farkle alone."

He wasn't giving up. My head was suddenly throbbing and all I wanted was my bed I wanted to be alone and not think of anything.

"Maya it's not right for-"

"Why do you suddenly care Lucas?" I question quite loudly.  "Why did you even choose today of all days to take notice of me? Why don't you just leave Farkle alone? Besides after today you won't mind me again, will you?"

I leave him speechless as I climb out of the truck and shut the door. I walk straight to my front door not even looking back to check if he's gone then I pull my keys from my pocket and unlock the door. Once I'm inside I lock it.

I walk straight towards the bathroom. My head is pounding hard so I open the cabinet in the bathroom where my mom keeps some medicine. Without reading I grab a clear tiny plastic bottle with what looks like aspirin in it. I swallow one pill.

I wobble towards my room starting to feel dizzy. I look at my self in the mirror and think to myself that I need a shower.

My head is still throbbing so I take two more pills. 

I quickly undress and step into the shower. I just stand there with my eyes closed and let the water trickle down me.

I try to stay calm under the shower but my head. It feels like a million nails are being hammered into my brain. I open my eyes and step out of the shower. All of a sudden it's not my bathroom I'm standing in.

I see that place in the middle of nowhere Farkle took me to. Then I see Farkle standing at about eight feet away. He's dressed in all black and smiling nonchalantly.

I begin walking towards him then my head suddenly turns and then I see Lucas. He's dressed in all black too. He's smiling.

My head turns to look back and then I see thousands of some sort of mutants. They look like wild dogs, hairy ones. They look human, like zombies. They had wings.

It looked like they were chasing me. I turned forward but I couldn't see anything ahead apart from Farkle and Lucas who were far from me. I couldn't decide who to go to for safety. They were both standing there indifferently but there was something about both of them pulling me in. Like one of them would save me. I was one person. Farkle and Lucas were very much apart. I couldn't be at both ends at the same time.

Farkle. Lucas. Farkle. Lucas. My mind kept wondering which way to go. And with that my headache was increasing terribly. More nails. More hammering.

The winged-hairy-dog-zombies  were getting closer and I was still speculating on who to run to.

My head was pounding. I started feeling dizzy then the middle of  nowhere scene was fading.

Then darkness.