A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

9: Phone Number.

It felt good to be riding my motorcycle again.  That ten minutes made me forget about today. I felt like I was on a cloud. My mind felt empty. It was like I was never sad. But not happy either. It's just the ease that came with being on my bike.

Today wasn't so bad at Riley's house. She stopped bugging me with questions about my outing with Farkle- which she called a date. Instead that was the only thing that didn't bother me-besides seeing Auggie again, but with my happy façade, I had to pretend to enjoy the rest. We just did some regular girl stuff. We watched a movie;The Notebook(ugh) and painted our nails(double ugh) and did those things that would make regular girls happy and stuff.

Now do you see what's wrong with me? Regular stuff that makes  people happy doesn't work on me. That's why I'm so desperate to fall in love. I know, pathetic.

Ten minutes later, I'm at home. I try opening the door to check whether it's unlocked. It is. Mom's still there. I enter and walk straight towards my room but she calls me.

"Maya." She yells. Still not aware of the littleness of our house. She's always living in another world.

I hesitantly walk to the living room and stand in front of her making my irritation obvious. "Huh?"

"You didn't tell me you've got a sweetheart." My mother says dreamily, "He's so handsome, he looks rich, I saw his car that confirms it, I'm surprised, well done, he looks familiar but I'm not sure, and-" My mom goes on and on. Then I realize she says something like weird name and I know exactly who she is talking about.

Farkle Minkus.

"Was that weird name Farkle Minkus?"      I question, my tone suspicious and annoyed.

"Yes oh yes!" She she shrieks triumphant, "How long? You never told me. He kinda looks like Justin Bieber. I know we don't talk much and all but it would have been nice to know you've got a boyfriend- which is almost unbelievable."

"He's not my-" I say before realizing she just insulted me. Was she seriously saying that I couldn't get a boyfriend? Ugh, now I'm feeling desperate to say he is. "Just...what exactly did he- Farkle tell you?" I ask, the desperation making me sound softer.

"He just came in to drop off his phone number, he said he was kinda shy to give it to you himself."

Oh... But he's not shy to want to date me. Maybe it's because I told him to speed away after that occurrence earlier. At least he didn't tell my mom anything like we were dating. Maybe.

Farkle Minkus. My friend of about nine years. And I might have started using a phone when I was fourteen but I never had his phone number. In fact no one, even my mom. But it was only Riley's I had and with whom I called and occasionally texted.

Okay. We're done that's all I need to know. I begin to walk out of the living room then I make one last remark about Farkle. "And oh, he's not my boyfriend."

"Whatever." I mom calls out as I enter my room and shut the door loud making sure she hears it. Which if you lived in my house will cause temporary deafness.

Okay,that's a bit of a hyperbole. It was still really loud.

***
"Maya!" Kate Hart yells.

Humph. I hadn't realized I was napping. What time was it again?

"Maya!"     

Oh... It's L.A o'clock.

Fully aware of the littleness of our house I yell back to my mom,"I'm coming."

Oh, I'm just wondering the level of tantrums I'm going to receive.

"Well hurry up we're going to be late. Don't want a whole plane leaving me, do we?" She shrieks.

Whatever, I wasn't yelling a whole conversation back to her.
I grab my jacket and my purse to meet my mother in the living room.

My mother. Already packed and looking like a runaway. Crazy. She was cussing and moving about confused. Ticking off items on her fingers.

She was leaving.  To hopefully become an actress.

She was leaving me alone which is not much of a difference than usual. I'm left alone to fend for myself. Would I need to get a job? No. Maybe. She was leaving for two days. If she got the part then I don't know, maybe I'll sleepover at Riley's for a while then get a job.

Strong girl. I'm even feeling less desperate for love. Maybe I'll be on my own for a really long time. And right now I feel like I can take on anything. Like loneliness, feeling incomplete.

But I'm not so sure about sadness. It gets to me at anytime. Then it makes me feel vulnerable. Vulnerable to feeling lonely and incomplete.

Desperation seems like a side effect of sadness. And that's what I'm feeling right now. It's back again.

"Hey mom, where's that number." I ask trying to sound nonchalant.

"Farkle's number?"  She asks expectantly obviously knowing I meant Farkle's number.

No, the line for your call girl service. I thought.

I sigh with irritation and look over to the little table in the middle of the living room and see a tiny folded sheet of paper. I pick it up and it's Farkle's phone number.

Farkle Minkus.
555-0124.

Sighing, I fetch my phone from my purse and dial the number.

I tap the call button.