A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

23: Over The Fence.

We waited for the siren to go off at eight o'clock indicating the start of first period to leave where were waiting at the back of the school. I felt that thrill again, the feeling of what might be happiness. It wasn't happiness but I could pretend. I always do.

Walking like a couple of five year olds, Farkle and I skipped to the fence protecting the school. We couldn't use the main entrance or else we'd get caught, but who cares, we were ditching, we were already sorta rebels.

"We're gonna climb that?" I asked when we stopped in front of the five foot high fence.

"Uh yeah, I guess." Farkle said sounding nervous. He was probably just as thrilled as me.

I looked a him a bit. His chest was moving quite rapidly. Hyperventilating, a Farkle way of declaring nervousness.

"Hey," I put my hand of his shoulder in a reassuring way, patting it. "We're gonna do this right? Don't chicken out on me nerd."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"I'll go first then." I say to him.

He nods, gently shoving me closer to the fence

My hero.

"Okay." I rub my palms together and fix a steady grip on the iron fence. I lift myself up and put my left foot between the gaps in in the fence.

Left foot, right foot and once I'm up I slide my leg over the fence and and go down the same way till I'm on the ground again.

I wave Farkle over the other side of the fence. A smug smile on my face. "You coming up nerd?"

Farkle chuckles nervously. "Apparently." He says.

He cracks his knuckles and holds on to the fence. Once he gets his feet of the ground he looks up at me.

"Up,up." I encourage. This was fun. Watching my puny friend try to be bad.

He takes two steps up and looks up at me, "Maya, I'm sure if we run out the main entrance when the security guards aren't looking we'll be all good."

No way dude. We were here already and my sad mind wants to let go and be free. I just can't take the easy way out, the sadness will always find its way to creep back in.

"Please Farkle, you can do this just let loose. Remember when you told me that? The night before you, you..."

It was too hard to think about then. When he made me feel so free in the middle of nowhere and it ended up terribly. But not quite, if I hadn't been with him that night and ended up in a coma will we be here ditching?

I'm just inviting these feelings as they come. They make me feel like sad is not all I am. There is a chance to feel other things, and I already am.

"Maya," he steps off the fence. "I have probably said I'm sorry so many times but I don't know whether you've really forgiven me. You said that you have, but I can't believe you'll just do that. He presses his forehead to the metal.
"For billions of times I've loathed myself for almost killing you. I was that close to losing you. Yet it seems any apology cannot surpass the hate I feel for myself. And any forgiveness cannot make me forget how I almost lost you."

I'm speechless. Maybe an 'aww...you shouldn't say that Farkle' will be appropriate at this moment but I just stand there watching him.

"If you 'let loose again'," he says "what if you, you end up d-"

"Okay, that's enough Farkle! You didn't get my emotions all worked up for nothing. Are we ditching this place or not?."

No answer.

"We can't go back, you know." I think of terrible things that could happen to us if we were caught. Detention, suspension, expulsion. I don't even mind, but that could destroy Farkle and whatever reputation he must've created for himself.

I let out a sigh and absentmindedly finger the orange scarf. I wore this because a felt a speck of what might be happiness in my dark soul. I wanted the speck to grow and fill me as a whole. All I could do now was to plead.

I press my forehead to the cold metal fence. "Please." I mumble.

He looks up at me with his hazel brown eyes, a deep never ending pool of emotions and I could read only one. Sadness.

I hold my gaze. "Please."

He finds my left index finger through the gaps in the fence and wraps his around mine.

He nods.

I step back and watch him climb up the fence surprisingly stealthy.

Once he's over it I walk up to him and give him a quick hug, holding his hand and pulling towards the unknown that is over the fence.

***

I vast stretch of land was that. Green grass overgrown swaying with the wind. A perfectly lonely place. I wish I stayed here forever.

Farkle leads me toward a less grassy area and we both sit on the ground there. I'm cross-legged facing him and I let my eyes linger around the area. The sun was slowly inching up away from the horizon. It was like eight something in the morning, but this felt like witnessing daybreak. Maybe my sadness was making me picture things the way they aren't again.

"Farkle, is it me or this place is very beautiful?" I look at him asking, just to be sure.

A smile spreads slowly across his face. He let's his eyes wander a bit around the area then he looks at me, "no."

Really? Oh well, I am crazy.

Maybe he registers the look on my face and says, "you stole its beauty."

I just smile. Could he hear my heart beating through my chest? Did he know my mind was racing with the craziest emotions possible? He just had to be the corniness my sadness wants, he just had to make me feel soft.

"Maya." He calls. I bring myself to look him in the face once again.

I can't.

I turn away from his gorgeousness. I can't get lost in his eyes, I'll fall in love. But then again don't I want to? Riley's in love with Lucas and she's happy. Or maybe love isn't the cure for sadness. I don't know but I'm following my heart. Not desperation.

His cold fingers hold my chin gently. I'm forced to turn to look at him as he leans in for a kiss. I kiss him back. My mind was nuts right now. Emotions going in, coming out. I was on a thrill right now.

I pushed myself closer and wrapped my arms around his neck still lost in his kiss.

Love isn't the cure for sadness. My subconscious was screaming at me.

Follow your heart not desperation. How about I follow both?

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A/N: Heyyyy☺