A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

25: Coffee Buzz.

MAYA

I couldn't believe I'd actually said that much. But do I regret it? I'm not so sure let's just see where this revelation to Farkle will take us.

Did I just call Farkle and I; us. Are we us? As in together? We've been through a lot in past few days together. Closer than I've really known him all those nine years. And I'm still not sure if I even rank him above the friend zone.

Of course I want to call him my boyfriend. I'm desperate to do that. But as much as I don't want to admit it, there's some feeling of my worthless crush on Lucas lingering. It has been a while since I've seen him. I think about my last encounter with Lucas. 

"Why do you suddenly care Lucas?" I question quite loudly.  "Why did you even choose today of all days to take notice of me? Why don't you just leave Farkle alone? Besides after today you won't mind me again, will you?"

I leave him speechless as I climb out of the truck and shut the door. I walk straight to my front door not even looking back to check if he's gone then I pull my keys from my pocket and unlock the door. Once I'm inside I lock it.

Looking back on that feels sore. Looking back on anything before that coma feels sore. I feel my life has been so eventful after that and not so dark as before. Maybe I can start over and happiness might decide to creep in. It's true I'm staying inside the walls of myself, maybe if I let loose and open up like Farkle told me, I won't be a slave to sadness and it's followers.

Right now, I'm back home in my room laying on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling and actually thinking, of the future, of everything. You could say I was hopeful. But I'm not sure if I am.

Today was great. Everything that happened brought me so close to being happy. I let all my feelings out on Farkle in tears leaving him with a tearstained shirt.

I chuckled when I raised my head.

Feeling like I'd finished crying out my emotions, I looked at Farkle who looked back at me quite dreamily.
 
"Sorry," I said. "Oh look, I'm so stupid, sorry for staining your shirt." I could imagine how I looked. Red faced, puffy cheeks. I looked back down quickly.

"I'm never washing this shirt." He said excitedly.

I couldn't help but laughing. "What else?"

"Well, wanna know what buzzes me up?"

I nod.

"Coffee. Since we're on Mission: Get Maya Happy, I'm dedicating the rest of the day to perking you up. Seeing you laugh without a care. Because I care."

I wanted to cry more. I wanted to hug him and run around like a lunatic. Just because he cares.

"So," he continued, "I'm sorry if you were close to happy here but we need some coffee now. Are you okay with that?"

"Heck yeah!" There was more rebelling. I couldn't help myself. If I could be happy, why not?

We took a stroll at the no-man's land where we were. We found a street and hailed a cab back to the town.

As we passed by the front of the school I couldn't help but to throw my hand out of the window and flip it off. There's for adding to my sadness.

Farkle just stared at me laughing. I laughed to.

We got our coffees and went to the mall. Farkle insisting on a new wardrobe that wasn't all black and telling me that the orange scarf I was wearing  looked good on me.

So we did. We bought new stuff, me heading to the dressing rooms and trying on the most ridiculous amount of color I've ever worn.
Stunting my new clothes in front of Farkle and all those other cliché stuff I'd seen in those chick flicks I was forced to watch with Riley.

Riley. She'll kill me if she found out I ditched.
But a teeny part of me didn't care and another part feared for my life. Most of me was just enjoying the feeling of these new emotions.

"Just let the emotions in, feel the feelings." Farkle said to me after we left the store. I'd left in my new clothes; a white shirt, a green blazer and some blue jeans. I felt different in these, like the new colors meant excitement.

Farkle and I walked hand in hand through the mall. Wasting the day doing anything aimed at being happy. Photo booth pictures with ridiculous props, heading to the game center, watching movies, eating candy, and drinking more coffee.

We took a cab home and when we reached my house, Farkle walked me to the door. Holding my two hands and looking at me he asked, "I hope you're happy now."

Hope and happiness. The two things I haven't been able to feel in a while and he wants me to be.

"Thanks, I'll try."

"Try hard. Please." He said.

I simply nodded. He kissed me on the forehead.

"Bye Maya." He said walking to the cab.

"Thank you." I called out.

He was great, Farkle. All that I did today was obviously letting loose and opening up, but have I let loose and opened up enough to give my heart to Farkle? I really should, its only logical for me to. After all he's done for me.

All these nine years he never gave up. Persistent, being corny, flirting. And I never felt anything, such a terrible person I am.

But now here I am, and Farkle has left an effect on me.  After drinking that much coffee, I can't close my eyes. So I keep thinking about him.

I hear a knock on the door. It might be my mom but I'm not so sure, she always has her key. Or maybe it's Riley here to kill me.

I walk to the door and wrap my hand around the knob to open it.

I stand there frozen, shocked at who it is.