A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

14: Deserted.

It was midnight. We just sat there. Staring at the stars. Not thinking anything. Sitting on the ground. Wrapped around each other for warmth. Farkle and I.

Turns out Farkle has a lot more insecurities than it looks like. Harmless rich nerds have their fears too. But it's nothing compared to mine.

He says he so used to having everything that he'd be scared to lose it all. He should try living in my world sometime.

He's afraid of being ordinary.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. I'm ordinary. Everyone is ordinary. So why doesn't he want to be everyone.

He sighed then said, "Maya, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm the smartest boy in class. I get all the good grades, I correct teachers, I'm the nerd."

I just sit there nodding. If I'd said something it'd be show-off. Who doesn't know he's the smartest boy in class?

"The nerd is pretty normal in all schools." He continued. "The one with the glasses, the braces, the awful sense of style. And no one ever notices them. They don't have a lot of friends. But I'm human. I have feelings, I want to be noticed. So I was doing everything possible to make more friends. I loved you and Riley just fine, but I felt it was because our parents go way back, so then since you hang out with Riley we acquainted, same with Lucas."

I'm still nodding. It's quite true, I was only friends with Farkle because of Riley.

"I tried football, soccer, anything the popular and strong boys did. And being the nerd, I was terrible at them. I gave up, I was going to be the cliché nerd. I thought I could never achieve anything beyond excellent grades in school." He sighed looking sad thinking of the memory.

I felt bad for him. He had everything he wanted. But was underestimated because he was the nerd. He felt unloved. He lost hope in becoming anything outside of school.

I could relate to this.

I scooted over to where he was sitting then casually slung an arm over his shoulder. "It's alright, Farkle."

"Yeah, it is now." He said. "You know, you're the first person I've told my fears."

"Oh now you're doing that a lot. Ranking me first place in stuff. Too bad that's not how it is in school." I muttered.

"You could always come to me for help."

Hmm... I liked being here with Farkle. Probably because we weren't in school and I felt more comfortable talking to him here. So now that he was bringing school back into the conversation...

"Sure." I said feigning enthusiasm.

"Ok. My place after school."

Nod.

***

I rolled over.

I opened my eyes.

I was on the ground.

First thing I think is where is Farkle.

First thing I feel is fear.

Second feeling is anger.

Then regret.

We must've fallen asleep here. On the ground in the cold, in the middle of nowhere. I was covered with a blanket. I tried looking around to see if he was still here.

He wasn't.

His car wasn't even there.

I'm very angry at Farkle. I'm cursing him in my head then I feel regret at myself for breaking down my walls, for letting loose, for trying to be happy.

This is what I get. Stranded, alone for trying to avoid sadness.

I've learnt a lesson.

Ok, not yet a lesson. At least it's developing. Then I'll say it's something new.

Something new is sadness is attracted to me. Like some invisible magnetic resonance or whatever drawing it to me. It's natural. It's supposed to happen. From when I was born.

Deserted. Some great friend Farkle is and to think I was going to let desperation take over me. To almost make me want to date him.

And he leaves me all alone.