A Bleak Kind Of Happy.

15: Thinking Place.

LUCAS

After I drove home from Riley's, I lay in bed thinking. This person constantly in my head. I try, but I just can't stop thinking of her.

Maya Hart.

Today it wasn't just Maya in my head, but Farkle too. Riley said something about them dating. Not yet. But she asked my opinion. I tried to show as little interest as possible but when she said that, I felt something like jealousy.

It's absolutely improper for me to feel that. Riley is my girlfriend, I tell myself every time I see Maya. I feel like doing something stupid all the time like breaking up with Riley to date Maya. I'll be the biggest fool in the world to do that. Besides maybe what I feel for Maya is just some infatuation I'll get over.

Riley loves me. I love her. I'm sure of it.

I'll be such a jerk to break up with a girl who has watched over me and loved me so deep. I'll be a terrible person. To date her own best friend.
Or will I?

Maya and Farkle.

I just couldn't stop thinking about them. It's quite obvious that Farkle loves Maya. I mean he talks about her to me all the time. It's pretty intense. It's also a little bit cuckoo.

But does she like him back? If she does then, I don't know.

Get some sleep Lucas.

Yeah, I should sleep. Tomorrow I Sunday. I always wake up early every Sunday morning around dawn and ride my horse Dallas. We go somewhere I call my Thinking Place. It's quite far, away from the busy and loud sights of our suburb in New York. I just reflect over everything when I'm there. I think of the future, I remember the past. And sometimes I don't think, I just stare at horizon, at the rising sun.

Nowadays, actually since I moved to New York and met my friends, I usually think of Maya when I'm there. I wonder what she's doing, how she feels whenever she's quiet at school, her likes, her dislikes. I try to stop myself but it just happens.

I try as much as possible to make it look like I have zero interest in Maya after Riley confessed her love for me. I've seen Riley when she's jealous. It's like she's ready to slay vampires. One time she had this look like a burning flame in her eyes when my mother kissed me on the cheek.

I don't want that happening to Maya. I don't even want her to feel a sting of jealousy because of Maya. I'd feel way too guilty.

I try to avoid Maya as much as possible. Now I don't even talk to her as much as before. Otherwise I might say something stupid like I love you. And what will be my reason? None.

It's irrelevant. Yet I feel I just can't stop. Sometimes I hate her for it.

Right now, I hate her for it.

"I hate you Maya." I mumble to myself. Then I'm out like a lightbulb.

***
3:00 am and I'm awake. I don't need to set an alarm to wake up at this time on Sundays. I always do that. It's part of me. It's become how I operate.

I quickly brush my teeth and throw on a grey t-shirt then I'm good to go. I step outside into the cool air and walk to the stables in the backyard to get my horse.

I unlock the threshold and climb onto the back of my reddish-brown haired horse.

"Okay Dallas, let's race away to the Thinking place." I say in his ear. And soon we're galloping away from the Greensburg, New York.

The Thinking Place is basically in the middle of nowhere. I came by it one Sunday when I was looking for another spot to ponder after I'd left Texas. I was riding on the back of Dallas, the horse I got as a gift on my tenth birthday. So I actually got a pony for my birthday since it was just three years old. But now it a full blown horse, firm and strong.

I then saw the place. It was actually like some sort of desert. But it was quite cool over there. Mica covered the ground with a few cacti at some areas. It was beautiful. It was perfect. Isolated and I liked to tell myself I was the only one who knew where it was.

When we finally arrived, I jumped off Dallas and walked to the spot.

The spot is some quite huge rock that overlooks the Thinking Place. When I get there's climb up and sit there and begin thinking....

Maya, Maya, Maya, Maya. It just doesn't stop.

My mind.

It's just constantly on Maya.

Then I see a petite figure coming towards the spot.

Maya?

Oh God, now I'm hallucinating.

I try blinking and rubbing my eyes. But the petite figure is getting closer. It's a blonde, and soon I'm seeing bright blue eyes glowing in the dim sunlight.

It's Maya. I'm sure of it. But I rub my eyes one more time just in case.

I jump down from the rock and Maya is just two feet away from me. I involuntarily straighten my shirt.

"Lucas?" She asks.

"Maya? What are you doing here?" She didn't look too good. Twigs were in her messed up ponytail. Her jacket was tied around her waist and she was covered in a blanket.

She says one word, or should I say name. Farkle. And that was enough to get me angrier than I've ever been.

"He did this to you?" I snarled.

"Well not actually." She says. She sounds so beaten down, like she just watched a sad movie. How do I know? Riley. We watched The Fault In Our Stars.

"He brought me here yesterday late night after we dropped my mom at the airport." She continued looking down. "We sat here chatting and I don't know... I must've fallen asleep and I woke up and-"

I walked to where she was standing and raised her head up and gave her a hug. She hugged me back.

"Come on let's go back home."

We walked to where Dallas was and I helped her climb up.

"Hold on tight." I told her.

And she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Like this?"

"Yeah." I said.

And with that, Dallas dashed off.