That's The World?!『A Hetalia FanFic』

Chapter 81.5~ Please Read

(Song: Mirror Mirror - RWBY Vol. 1)

This will come off as a little informal to you all for a few reasons. Mostly, I'm too tired, lazy, and frustrated with myself to create a well thought out explanation for why the next chapter, and all other chapters for that matter, are taking so long to update.

To ease your fears, no, I am not discontinuing this book or Broken Back Together (Please read that, I have so much confidence in that) however, I made this to explain some things. Also, don't expect this to be short and sweet. My emotions and writing skills haven't quite figured out how to give people a short answer of my feelings.

Look, as much as I love writing and doing this for others... I feel as if my page and this book has become a ghost town. I've gotten so far with this over the past year, made so many memories, and new friends with this very book. Although, I don't understand why I don't see anything in the comment section anymore. Voting is great, but I just want to hear from you guys.

Are you dead?

Are you busy?

Is my writing boring?

Should I stop?

What am I doing wrong?

Am I too anti-social?

Do you even care about the author who poured her heart and soul into this fictional world?

All I want is to hear from you all. Even if it's criticism or just to say hello. I only have a few people who constantly read this book and I get worried when nothing happens a week or two after I post a chapter. I feel as if I don't exist on wattpad, as if I've lost the connection between you all. What can I do to make this right? Please, say something to me. That's all I ask... I'm begging you.

* * *

With that out of the way, I want to talk about something that has been going on for a while. Yes, this won't matter in the future. I'm actually thinking about deleting all of the .5 chapters after this whole book is done and overdue for re-editing. However... has anyone been getting the little hints of depression in my book? Besides what's in the actual story? If you'd read the author's note at the end of every chapter you'd know what I am talking about. As I've said before, "I just want to be okay again." That is something that many of you may not understand. Some of you may or may not have experienced depression sometime in your life.

But I know what it feels like.

I feel as if I'm shouting at the top of my lungs, but no one can hear me.

Knowing the people I know, they'd flip their shit and come after me the moment they read this or the next time we meet in person. (Please guys, don't confront me about this in front of everyone else, I'm already trying to deal with my next approach for another thing that I have to confess.) Even you, my Luckies, might become concerned about me for once. I'd be grateful for that, but I'd feel that it would be an excuse for the lack of communication I've been receiving.

I just want to say that this has been happening on and off for quite some time. No, not to the point of suicide. I just want to get away from... everything. Everything that shackles me down and stabs my tainted heart. I've never felt so strongly about an emotion before, but this is getting a bit out of hand. For once, believe what I'm saying and listen to me. Please let my words reach your blocked receptors and enlighten your predetermined perspective of me.

I feel as if I'm falling in an everlasting void, stuck in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from, and have been replaced my someone who fucks shit up in the worst possible way of fuckery there is. I feel as if my second-rate vocabulary will not suffice my abundance of emotions. I feel as if the words I speak and actions I make have no power against the invisible barrier that lies within myself-- I FEEL AS IF I CANNOT RETAIN MY EMOTIONS OF HATRED AND CONTEMPT FoR my feeble voice and timid nature...

I feel as if I cannot reach out to those who could ease the ache in my heart... my longing for human communication from another location... my sudden urge to find a new purpose.

I feel as if... my personality is shifting. I just want to be okay... I just want to be myself again, feel myself again. I don't want to be left alone to the thoughts of night. The dark is not a scary place, but the shadows that lie in my mentality make me fear for my sanity.

I just want to be okay again... Is that too much too ask for?