sorry // justin bieber

23.- woken up

Halley

Fuck.

Shit.

I cannot believe it.

Well, actually, I can.

I block my phone and throw it on my bed. I wipe the only tear rolling down my cheek before it can reach my chin. I feel so incredibly stupid for believing that whatever it was going on in my life lately could actually have worked out. I'm an idiot. I was living in a cloud if I actually believed I was friends with Justin Bieber. If I really thought his promises were real.

I lie on my bed looking at the ceiling. I think about his girlfriend, who is a rich-famous-cute-super-model. I think, from all the girls in the world, he had no reason to pick me. Even less over his girlfriend. That's just how things are. I was a fool to think otherwise.

Still, it kinda hurts.

Because somehow I feel like a little girl being woken up from a beautiful dream. And maybe that's the truth. I feel tiny and meaningless. I feel like he can just erase my number, unfollow me and forget about my existence for good, but I can't do the same. I can't just delete the texts, I can't just delete the memories. Knowing that I actually talked to him. That we spoke about serious stuff. Knowing that he was still the boy I fell in love with. It was amazing. It still is.

And at the same time, it feels like shit now.

I turn around on my bed and cover myself up with my blankets until I can't be seen and close my eyes. I'll just take a nap and try really hard to pretend this whole thing never happened.

Another tear rolls down my face and to my sheets when the lyrics of my mom's favorite song comes to my mind:

"My head is saying: fool, forget him

My heart is saying: don't let go".

***

a/n: how cheesy am I?