sorry // justin bieber

52.- a conversation on hold

Halley

I make Justin sit on the high chairs underneath the counter we use as dinning table while I prepare the breakfast. He talks to me while I do so.

"So, are you liking college so far?" he asks.

"Well you know, except for the fact that I want to rip my skin off my face every time I'm writing a paper... Yeah" I reply laughing. "I pretty much bear with it".

"Where would you want to go after you finish school?"

"Uhm... I've always liked the idea of New York" I say, "yes, I know, it's so cliché..." I roll my eyes, "but really, I don't think I would actually go live there. I've always had a thing for England, too. I'd go to London, or Brighton, I've heard Brighton is beautiful... Maybe Liverpool, I don't know"

"But you know you want to get out of here" he remains serious.

"I want to find a place where I can feel in my heart I belong to" I tell him while I put the waffles in front of him.

"May I ask why is this birthday breakfast?" He asks amused.

"Because of this" I tell him before pulling the whipped cream from underneath the table and spreading it over his waffles. Next, I spray sprinkles on top. "Happy birthday!"

He laughs at the detail and gives me a little round of applause.

"Besides, I made milkshakes" I remind him with wide eyes.

"It's a good breakfast" he admits, "for a five year old..." he adds teasing me.

"It's not!" I exclaim, throwing sprinkles at him.

He takes a bite off his waffle, getting whipped cream over his upper lip.

"You don't feel like you belong here?" he asks me without even cleaning the cream off his face.

"I can't answer that with you looking like this" I chuckle.

"Just go with it, Hal".

"Hal?" I repeat.

"Sure, why not?"

"It's like the Megamind dude" I say pulling a face.

"It's not" he states very sure. "Answer" he encourages me looking at his waffle.

"I..." my chest moves up and down while I take a deep breath, "I love San Francisco, but..."

"But you feel like your life is somewhere else" he speaks up.

I nod, "I feel like there's so much more, I want to make a life of my own, have my own story to tell. I don't know, maybe it's stupid".

"It's not stupid" he says, reaching for my hand across the table. I look up and smile at him. "It's normal, wanting to grow up, some independency, being the owner of your life... I get it" He shrugs, going back to his food. I take a sip of my milkshake.

"Have you ever been in love?" he asks me and I think I choke a little.

"For real?"

"Yeah" he says relaxed, "Have you?"

"A few years ago" I answer honestly, "With a guy I thought it was my friend and then just broke my heart" I tell him feeling a little ashamed.

"That sucks" he says taking a sip of his own milkshake.

"I don't need to ask if you've ever been in love"

"Ha ha, funny" he looks at me with a stupid expression on his face I can't help but adore.

We continue eating in silence and I'm glad to find out it's not awkward. We just give each others a few looks between bites and sips, and suddenly Justin's voice breaks the silence:

"We have a conversation on hold"

For a moment I'm lost, thinking what is he talking about, searching the answer on his eyes that now have a deeper and darker color. Not looking like honey anymore. And then I remember the question he asked me before all that thing with his girlfriend happened.

"Have you ever thought of killing yourself?"

I move on my chair, feeling uncomfortable all of sudden. The conversation I didn't want to face over text is now facing me in real life. All because I simply didn't want to start crying alone in my room looking at a screen -as if I've never done it before- and also, because I didn't want him to know that part of me just yet. The sad part, the part that forces you to smile at me and say "it's okay, I'm here". I didn't want to force him into that just yet.

But I guess that I already did a little.

"I know" I say quietly, slowly looking back up at him.

"So have you?"

"Yes" I answer being completely honest.

•••••

a.n: thank you so much to all the people who read my story❤️

I just wanted to let you know I have a snpachat account, feel free to add me hehe my user is lepetiteweirdo

I'll wait for your selfies don't think I won't

thanks a lot xx