sorry // justin bieber

15.- shitty things

Justin: would you say I know you?

Me: well I have told you some stuff

Justin: but not everything, really

Me: no, not everything

Me: we've met for like two weeks, we'll get there

Justin: I hope so :)

***

Justin: Halley

Justin: am i really your friend?

Me: yes, Justin

Me: why do you ask?

Justin: you'd tell me everything?

Me: I guess

Me: i mean, i trust you to tell you when something's wrong or if i need advice or that friend stuff

Justin: even with the dark shitty things? you trust me those things too?

Me: it's just not a side of me i want you to see right now

Justin: hmm

Me: not because i don't trust you

Justin: but...?

Me: but because i don't want you to have that image of me just yet

Me: why do you ask?

Justin: no reason

Me: Justin you're worrying me

Me: what's wrong?

Justin: there's nothing wrong

Justin: I was making sure you'd tell me if you felt bad

Justin: that's all

Me: you would tell me too, right?

Me: like, i'm here to help you with anything

Justin: I know you are

***

Justin: A friend of mine killed himself

Me: what?!

Justin: yeah

Me: oh god. when??

Justin: does it matter?

Justin: like two months ago

Me: are you okay??

Justin: sometimes i'm not

Me: i'm so sorry

Me: were you two close?

Justin: yeah, i like to think that

Justin: but then i don't like to think that

Justin: it makes me feel like shit knowing he didn't think he could trust me

Me: maybe it wasn't that kind of thing

Justin: what kind of thing??

Me: you know, the kind of thing you can tell people about so they'll help you

Justin: there is no other thing

Justin: people can always help you

Me: sometimes there is just no reason

Justin: no reason?? you bet, tell me what reason can you possibly have to decide that. what is your reason to want to die.

Me: it's not about wanting to die, it never is, Justin, nobody wants to just die

Me: is about not wanting to live, about wanting something different than what you're living, about just stop existing

Justin: i don't understand how is it that he didn't want to live anymore, just like that

Justin: why

Justin: he had us, he knew he had me, at least

Me: maybe it wasn't the loneliness that killed him

Justin: I just want to know what killed him

Justin: I just need something or someone to blame so I stop blaming myself

Me: you cannot blame it on you that he didn't wanted to live anymore

Justin: no but I can blame it on me that he didn't feel like he could find a reason

Justin: it's so unfair

Me: i'm sorry it is