sorry // justin bieber

32.- embarrass myself

"Here we go" says the brunette next to me when she pulls over.

Zoe's house is a three floor building, just like mine and just as many of the houses in San Francisco. You know, like the ones you see in the movies that are painted in pretty pastel colors like blue and yellow. So we park the car and climb the stairs up to the door.

Connor lets us in.

Farrah just says hi and goes inside the house. I stay a little longer.

"Hi" I say stupidly.

"Hi!" He greets me, "what's up?".

"Oh, nothing" I feel so dull, like every time he talks to me. Like I'm never good enough, "I was just listening to some music when Farrah surprised me at my door to pick me up" the minute I say that I regret it. Why did I just said that? What does he care?

"Oh, cool, I guess" he giggles, "what were you listening?".

Crap.

"2010 Justin Bieber, why?" I think, but honestly, he has such a cool musical taste that I think he would absolutely laugh at me if I tell him.

"Blink" I lie. He looks surprised.

"Really? I love Blink!" he says super excited. I smile awkwardly and look at the house. He seems to have forgotten we were outside so he invites me in. Shit. Why did I just lie? Why can't I just stay shut and keep my crush to myself and just stalk him like a normal person would? Like I, would normally do.

But nah, guess I'll just casually start a conversation with him to look like a potato and embarrass myself. Casual.

"So, what's your favorite song?" he asks. I turn to look at him in confusion. "By Blink, I mean" he adds.

"Oh" I say while I purposely take a sip of the Smirnoff Ice I just picked up from the table to gain some time. "Well... You know... I really like What went wrong" I say, "and I'm lost without you... And of course Josie" I add.

"I see you're kind of a romantic" he grins.

"Not at all, I'm a heartless bitch" I joke, thinking maybe it's too weird for him, "Aliens exist is pretty cool too" I add then and he laughs.

"So tell me, do you have anyone to take home when too drunk to drive?" he asks me.

Wait. Is he...? Is he asking if I have a boyfriend? Crap is he flirting with me? Shit what do I do? Should I flirt back? Should I crawl to a corner and die? Should I feel offended? Of course not, why would I? Oh shit, is this some kind of joke? Like, is somebody trying to mess with me making this super cute boy flirt with me or is it all his idea? Of course, it has to be a joke.

But is it?

"Well, I have no one showing up at three am if that's your question" I say, thinking it's a neutral thing to say.

"That's a shame" he says. He is so close to me I feel the urge of leaning in and kiss him. Even if it's a joke, even if he ends up hating me, I think, I'd still get that kiss. I consider it for a moment. What's the worst thing that could happen? Shit, I feel my heart beating faster.

I suddenly realize if I kiss him, that would be the best thing that's happened to me since Justin decided to talk to me, and I feel angry and sad about it. If that's true -and it is- then I am more pathetic than I thought. So with that in mind, I go for it.

Before I can realize what the hell am I doing and before he can make a move, I quickly lean in and kiss him.

I don't give a damn.