sorry // justin bieber

50.- that thing

Justin

"Halley?" I ask after a moment in silence.

"Yeah?"

"I'm ready to tell you that thing" I mumble quietly.

"What thing?" she asks curiously.

"Remember when you asked me to tell you one thing I've never told the press?" I remember, "Or anyone, for that matter".

"Yes, when you asked me about my fanfiction, right?" she question, making sure we're talking about the same thing.

"Yes" I laugh a little since she happens to remember many things. "I'm ready to tell you, Halley"

"I'm listening" she tells me in a soft voice, making me feel like I'm safe next to her, like my story is going to fall on a feather mattress and I'll be fine.

"It's... I don't know what it is" I start, "it's just something I saw".

She remains quiet, letting me know she's listening.

"It was about when I was fourteen" I tell her, "I was spending the Christmas holidays at my grandparent's house with my mom, just the four of us, and just a few days before the New Year, my dad showed up there".

I take a pause, only the sound of our breathing filling the air.

"It was weird, because my dad only saw my mom when he picked me up at our house or when he left me there after a few days with him, but lately... He had been staying around. A cup of coffee, a little chat... I found it weird but didn't say anything since I liked that they were getting along better than before" I continued, squinting my eyes at the thought, "And that day, a few days after Christmas, my dad showed up at my grandparent's house and after handing me my present and a hug, he asked my mom for a little talk"

I see her from the corner of my eye: she's paying attention.

"So they went outside to my grandparent's yard where they had this nice little table and sat there to talk. I was so eager to know what they were talking that I hid next to a window and tried to listen" I shake my head, "I heard stuff like «I can't do this» and «too much» from my dad and then the soft voice of my mom saying «baby», «wife», «responsibility» and at last «confused». It took me a while, but I finally joined the dots: my dad wanted to leave Erin and Jazmyn... Possibly to go back with my mom".

I feel my eyes getting watery and I blink repeatedly to fight back the tears.

"I didn't know what to think anymore... Finally my dad wanted to go back to my mom, like I always wanted him to do" I tell her, "but at the same time... He was being a coward. He was my hero, he always was, and that was the first time I saw him failing... And failing at something really important".

"Your family" she whispered next to me.

"I was so mad at him" I continue, "I didn't care about my parents being or not being together anymore, all I cared about was doing the right thing, like my mom was doing by saying no to my dad, by telling him to go and be with his family. That's really the first time I felt like a big brother, when I thought of Jazmyn and the idea of her, being left alone" I tell her, "I promised myself I would do whatever was in my power, to always try to make her happy, to protect her".

And in the floor of her room, lying on a red soft blanket, lightened only by the moon under the San Francisco sky, I felt her hand reaching for mine in the darkness, her warm touch intertwining between my fingers, holding me tight and safe, letting me know I wasn't alone on this one.