Dear Reader

Chapter 9

Dear Reader,
So lately I've been thinking, which is never a good situation. I've also been reading the first few chapters of this book, and I was sprung back into a whirlwind of emotions. Unrequited love. Sadness. Insecurity. A lot more but we're gonna leave it at that. So in the very first chapter of this book I talk about a guy named Sam and the summer camp I went to where I met him. Well as the years went by a lot happened and I realized a few things, but I just want to hit one in particular.
     The first thing I realized is how toxic Sam actually was for me. How quickly I fell in love with someone so toxic it's insane. He seemed so perfect and so did the idea of us. I do love him. That's not up for judgment I'm positive I do. You may be wondering also as to why I said 'do' and not 'did'. Well, the fact is that I still love him. It's a little pathetic I know but it's something I have to live with. Anyways as I was reading the first chapter I had criticized one of my old friends Solo for falling in love too fast. Well the irony of that was that I also fell in love too fast. I fell in love with someone in 3 weeks. I didn't realized I loved them until a year later but I fell in love in 3 weeks. It's just insane to think about. I was only 13 maybe 14 at the time. Whenever people ask if you are every too young to fall in love I always defend that love is different for everyone, as you can see by me falling in love at 13, that no one really knows what love is until you experience it yourself. I think I have and I don't regret a minute of it. No matter how toxic my love is I'll always love Sam.  There's nothing I can do to stop that. Recently I had started talking to Sam again. It started off as a joke I thought I could handle. Little did I know it would turn into nights of me crying myself to sleep, and not ever being able to get him off my mind. At first it felt amazing to be talking to him again, but very quickly I realized why he was so toxic for me and remember all those nights crying and crying years ago. It's like I can't escape him. He always on my mind. We admitted a few things to each other in the short time we talked. He admitted that he had liked me, and I admitted how I constantly, didn't say constantly but I did, thought of him. How he was on my mind almost everyday. He's like a tattoo. He's forever burned into my brain. I can't escape him. To be quite honest I'm not sure I want to either. So while I know this was probably too short for your liking I must go. All I have to say is that before you love someone, please learn to love yourself first it'll make picking up the pieces much easier when the time come. So I guess this it well I'll be around until then goodbye.
Sincerely,
your writer.