Dear Reader

Chapter 14

Dear Reader,

So lately I've been thinking. I've been thinking about beauty standards and how in those beauty standards I don't really see myself as attractive. Which is kind of utter bullshit. Like yes I don't think I'm that pretty, it's the fact that I'm judging it by others standards. It's all really fucked up. The reason a lot of people don't think of themselves as what they're worth is because of other people's judgement. It's utter bullshit. Personally I don't think of myself as a very attractive, likable person. This is because of what I have been exposed to. Very few guys have ever told me I'm beautiful, or even just have some type of interest in me. I always hear about other people having trouble with someone they don't like liking them, and to be quit honest I've never had that happen. I just don't think I'm seen as attractive to guys because I'm not some airhead who just goes for looks. I know this is kinda stupid to worry about as a freshman in high school, but I am worried about it. All of my friends tell me how beautiful and amazing I am, but I have a hard time believing that when they're the ones getting chased after and I'm still the one that's just there. I find it hard to not think this about myself when I'm always that friend who is just there to watch the guy ask for her friends number. It just makes me feel like maybe I'm not good enough. A lot of my friends always have guys crawling over them, but I don't remember the last time a guy said he liked me and meant it. I know this is stupid, but it's how society works and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to make people realize that the way we label things is complete and utter bullshit. That no one should feel like I am right now because of society. The thing about all of this is, that we are society. We are the ones who create these problems. Not saying these problems are as easy to solve as they are to create, but we can do something about this. I don't want my daughter or son feeling like I do right now. I don't want my friends' kids to feel like I'm feeling right now. I want people to be able to be who they are and not be ashamed. I know I'm ashamed of who I am. I could write an entire novel on what I hate about myself. I don't want my kids to be able to do that. I don't want my kids to think they aren't good enough because of how someone acts or what someone said. It makes me so sad to think that people are out there thinking like I  am right now. I want to be able to do something about it. I want to be able to stand up for this. I hope some of you will too, because to be quit honest this is complete and utter bullshit and I want a better future for teenagers like me. I want people to be happy with who they are. I want people to be proud of what they look like. I want people to be able to be happy without anyone ruining that. I want a better future for everyone. I want to feel like I'm good enough. I want to be happy. I just want to be able to look at my friends hanging out with other people and not be jealous. I want to be able to feel pretty even when my friends are being asked out right next to me. I want to be happy for my friend if a guy chose them over me. I want to feel good enough for myself. I want society to change. I want us to change. 

I know this may not be what you were expecting, but I just needed to get that out there. Please try and make a difference, and try and make you and your friends feel better about themselves. That's all I ask. Is that we try and help others one person at a time. Well I kind of have to go so just promise me you'll try? To try that's all I could ever ask of you.

Sincerely,

your writer.