Dear Reader,
Lately a lot has been happening that doesn't put me in the best spot right now. A lot having to do with just not doing anything right. Honestly it's like I never do anything right. I apparently always have an attitude, can never do anything on time, I'm not smart enough and the list just goes on and on. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to love myself more but it's kind of hard to do when everyone else is pushing you down. I mean yes I have friends but I've also lost some of my closest friends because they stopped talking to me. Yes I do some things right but it just seems as if I can never do the things that matter right. Yes I play softball and I like to think I'm pretty good at it but where am I supposed to go with that? I can't play professionally so what on earth could I do? Yes I enjoy singing and music but I'm no where near good enough to ever make anything out of it. I just don't know what I'm doing and everyone expects me too. They all want me to know what I want to do and where I want to go to get a degree in that. I'm a freshman in high school I'm just trying to pass these classes. I have no idea what I want to do! I have ideas but do I really want to go through with them? I don't know what I'm doing. I probably never will and that's no reason to start yelling at me. I'm 14 I still have a lot to figure out. I'm not the perfect human being. I have flaws. I can't always remember everything, do everything, be anything, I'm just not capable. So when you start screaming at me for something I'm trying so hard to do but just can't well I'm bound to be a little annoyed and just frustrated. So don't expect me to always be happy or to always smile or want to talk to you. Sometimes I just don't understand what people expect from me.
I have no idea what I want with my life. I probably won't ever know so stop expecting so much. Yes I have certain things I'm kind of good at, but I don't know anything yet. I don't even know who I am yet how am I supposed to know everything about anything in my life. One of the only constant things in my life right now is my favorite band. Of course I have steady friends and I love them to death but I don't really have much keeping me going except my personal goals, my favorite band and their fans and my friends that I love so very much. This isn't anything to be concerned about in fact when I'm older I'll probably read this and laugh at how emo I was, but for now this is a big deal for me and I feel as if I'm not ready for the real world yet.
Anyways this was just me getting something out in one of the only ways I know how.
Sincerely,
your writer.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Reader
No FicciónThere's a lot more to life than what people lead on. This is my story. Come along for the journey. trigger warning: contains mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Do not read if you are sensitive to that content.
