Truth or Dare? [REWRITTEN]

¤Chapter 24¤

¤Chapter Twenty-four¤

I gasped, clutching at my throat as if something is suffocating me from within. So much smiling. Reliving all that gooey shit makes me sick. I was too blinded by his charms and too desperate to be wanted by someone I thought would never notice me. I didn't realize that it's better to not  gain recognition from anyone than to accept it from the wrong person. 

Deep down I knew something was strange and it turns out I was right. He was fascinated by me because I mostly kept to myself, the only person who knew me well was Brittney since we were childhood friends. A person like me only satiated his boredom for a short while. Once that curiosity was gone and he realized I was just like any other girl he—

My eyes widened as I stared at my knees resting on the blurry ground. Thinking about this —about him— will only trigger more memories and that's the last thing I want. Not after this one. 

A part of my brain wants to think about the guy with the grey-green eyes. Those eyes that made me feel visible for the first time. If only those eyes never fell from my priority list then maybe things would have been different. Madison is perfect for Owen. 

She's friendly, cute, and she was just as naïve about certain things as he is. The new version of myself is not worthy, I'm too dark on the inside, too fucked up. I'd drain all his light and eventually treat him just like Todd treated me. Hurt him just like I was hurt; so slow I couldn't see the signs until it was too late.

I'll die before I let myself hurt him —or anyone else for that matter.

Truth or dare. That stupid game started all this. The bastard challenged me to take a risk and for once in my life, I did. Look where that got me; miserably kneeling on the floor as if I'm waiting for someone to walk in and save me. I wish I could go back and tell myself that taking risks shouldn't be forced, it should happen when you feel comfortable. It should happen once you've made the decision that no matter what, you won't regret your choice. Now, I'm filled with regret and anger and rage. I hate him for manipulating me and lying in a way that felt so real. 

Although Brittney was shielding me for her own selfish reasons, she protected me a bit —then came back and made sure I knew she was superior. She prevented a lot of people from reaching out to me, good and bad. Once I started dating Todd, he became my only friend and I never saw much of anyone else. My vision was clouded, I was completely infatuated with him. 

His personality never bothered me much because I got to see different sides of him. In private he was sweet and funny —gentle even. Publicly, he was unnecessarily rude to everyone and whenever people looked at me it was either from pity or fear. I can see it all clearly now but I was blinded back then. That's why I've changed. That's why I'm relying on strength and training instead of my emotions. 

I can no longer trust myself. 

I grabbed phone and texted Jace to send me his location. A few moments later, the device dings with the address of an apartment across from his college. I'm done running away from things, from now on I'm facing them head on. My phone vibrated from Jace's call but I pressed ignore. We'll talk face to face when I see him. No more playing around. After taking a few shaky breaths, I went upstairs to change before heading outside.

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My bike raced through the streets, slipping between cars so fast they probably thought I was trying to escape the cops. Heck, they might even think I'm a cop considering my dark clothes, dark helmet, and of course dark motorcycle. I assume I look like a secret agent or some kind of spy. Everything is a bleary spectrum around me, only the path straight ahead is focused and visible. I gripped the handles tighter than I had to as I fought to maintain my inner composure since these flashbacks tend to ruin my composure.