Little Lynch

Early Chats

I woke up and it was still dark. I slammed my hand onto my night table and felt for Rydel's phone which I had been using that night (shh). It was 4:45 am. Ugh.

I tried to fall back asleep but couldn't so decided to go downstairs and watch TV or something. I trudged down the stairs to see Riker on the couch already.

"Hey, why are you up so early?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Right back at ya."

"The twins have been up, I wanted to give Vanni some rest and make sure I was awake to get them if needed. But seriously, what about you?"

"Couldn't sleep." I flopped onto the couch next to him. We sat in silence for a bit, just enjoying each other's company.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Okay," I answered.

"You sure?" I nodded. "What about those little fits you've been having?"

"I can't control 'em. I wish they didn't happen but there's nothing I can do," I muttered.

"Why does that happen? Are you stressed? Or sad?" I shrugged. "I want to help you, Rosannah. But I can't if you won't help me. Tell me what's wrong." 

"I don't know. It's just- they happen out of nowhere are they stop just as suddenly. You know how if you read a book and then reread it, you know what'll happen the second time? It's not a surprise like the first time?" He nodded. "It's not like that. It's just as scary every time and you just don't get used to them."

"What's it like?" Riker asked.

"Um..." I though for a moment. "Let's say someone told you Vanni was dead. You'd be really sad?" He nodded again. "For the first moment, you would want to cry, and scream, and just die. But then you get an okay grip on your emotions and might cry and might get angry, but nothing really more. Well, it's like that first moment but there is no 'getting a grip' until it's over. You just... don't know what to do with yourself. Cry, shake, scream, you can't get away. And sometimes there's nothing there and that makes it a million times worse. There are too many things to think about so you choose one and loose control of everything else. Sometimes, it's over and there are people with me I didn't know came in, because that's not what I was focused on. I lose control of my breathing, of everything. I can't hear, I can't see, I can't feel anything. It's so scary. But you wouldn't get it. No one does."

"I do," Riker told me. He pulled me closer to him and I snuggled into his side. He kissed my head and I smiled. "Do you want to do something?"

"Not really."

"How about, I'll get you what you want today, you just relax here, okay? I know it's been a tough few days."

"You have babies to take care of, Riker. I can't be your top priority."

"But I can have three top priorities, can't I? Tell me what you need, they shouldn't be up until later." I grinned.

"A phone."

"And what would you need that for?"

"C'mon, Rik! You said anything! You can't lie to me like that! And, anyways, all my friends have one!" I knew that wasn't true, and he knew it too because I had no friends but who was going to say 'Ro, that's not true. You are a loner with no social life!' Not him, but we were both thinking it.

"If your friends jumped off a  bridge, would you do it too?" That dumb question.

"Well, I mean, there'd be a pile of bodies to land on. So, it depends."

"Okay. That's morbid. Anyways, the answer is no. You aren't getting a phone."

"Noooooo," I whined. "Please?"

"We'll see."

"You ALWAYS say that! Riker, pretty please? I really want one and it'd give me something to do while I wait at interviews and in the green room. I NEED one!"

"You don't need one but I'll think about it. And maybe you will get one..." Riker told me, smiling.

"So the answer is yes?" I asked.

"I don't remember saying that!"

"I do!"

"Maybe, Zanni." I heard a scream from upstairs and Riker jumped up to go get the baby. I sighed and turned on the TV. I didn't really care what was on.

I had a feeling it was going to be a long  day...