Little Lynch

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe

"Let's go! Out the door! C'mon, guys!" Dad yelled as everyone was crammed around the kitchen island making lunches for the day. I shoved my sandwich in a bag and walked away from the table.

Riker and I were going to see what was wrong with me. Hopefully, it would be something and I would get better.

But maybe not.

I climbed into his car. I was very worried, yet excited. Maybe I'd get something that would make me better again! And I would be happy and not scared all the time!

"Ready to go?" I nodded, smiling. "I've never seen anyone this excited to go to the doctor before. What's wrong with you?" Riker joked. I giggled.

"Nothing's wrong with me! It's not a scary doctor, anyways, like with needles and stuff. It's a head doctor that will make sure I'm better. Right?" Riker nodded.

"That's right, it'll make you all better." I thought about the months to come. If I did get something, Ryland had explained, it would make me feel like crap for the first week or so. If they were pills, I wouldn't want to take them. If it was therapy, I wouldn't want to go. But then things would start to get better and I would want them. I would feel like me, but better. I couldn't wait until I felt like that.

We drove for about a whole 2 hours before pulling into a parking lot. On the way, we sang songs and chatted. I got out of the car and jogged to get Riker, who was ahead of me. He held the door open and I curtsied before walking inside. Riker chuckled and followed me.

• ○ •

They finally  called our name after waiting forever! Riker grabbed me and stood up. We walked down the hall and to a room. Inside, everything was white and the lights were dim. I think it was supposed to make people feel better and less irritable but it made me scared. I grabbed Riker's hand.

"I have to wait out there, Munchkin. I'll be back in a little bit, okay?" I tensed up but nodded. I was terrified. I remembered how happy I had been in the car and wondered why I felt like that.

A woman led me inside and gestured to where I could sit. I sat down, still tense, and she began to ask me questions. I answered truthfully, but sometimes not fully. I didn't know this woman, or what she was capable of using against me. I had wanted something to be wrong with me before because they can only fix you if something was wrong. But now I wasn't so sure. Everyone would make fun of me and call me a wuss and a baby.

"Stay there, sweetheart. I'll be back with your brother in a second." I nodded and didn't move. Riker came back, finally.

"Hey, Ro."

"Did they find out what's wrong with me?" I asked. I was too anxious to wait; I needed to know now.

"They did. Sit down again. Let's talk." There was a lump in my throat as he said this. What if it was worse than I thought? If I had to go to the hospital or a psych ward? "It's alright, I promise," Riker told me. I just nodded.

"You have something called Panic disorder," the woman explained. "Have you ever heard of that?" I hadn't, so I shook my head. "It's a mental disorder where fear and anxiety quickly arise without warning or reason to. It can lead to a panic attack at times. During these, the fear is usually way out of proportion, most often it is not a threatening situation."

"You can get help. We have medicine for you. Take it for about a week and tell me how you feel, got it?" Riker asked. I nodded again. "Good. Hopefully you can be the Zannah we know again soon. I love you."

"I love you, too," I mumbled, still sort of intimidated by this lady.

"Let's go home now, yeah?" Riker held out his hand. I reached out and placed mine in his before standing up. He placed a protective arm around me and we walked out. I would get better. Maybe.

Ugh! It was such a good place to leave off and then I realise how effing short it is. Sorry about the darn 2 week wait! I didn't even know it had been that long, tbh. Love you all!

~Zannah