Jared Gilmore Imagines

Battle Wounds | J.G.

Synopsis: Jared finds out that the reader has depression.

Trigger Warning: Don't keep reading if you're not comfortable reading about depression and self harm.

Author's Note: Once again, if any of you guys need to talk to someone, if any of you guys are going through this. You don't have to go through it alone, message me.

Y/N

Disgusted, I looked at myself in the full length mirror. I let out a scream, hating every single inch of my body. Hating my reflection.

I fell down to the floor, my knees weak with my hands covering my already tear filled eyes.

I don't know how long it was until I rubbed my eyes and looked in front of me, fresh tears flooding my eyes once more.

I crawled and reached to my right, feeling the floor until I felt the sharp metal blade. I grabbed it with both of my shivering hands.

I felt my back hit the wall once I sat down on the cold hard floor. In my right hand, I took the sharp blade and put its metal right on top of my opposite wrist.

I knew this was wrong, I totally knew it was. But I need a release, anything that'll make me feel better, anything that'll take my pain away.

I sliced down my pale skin. One line, then two, then three, four, five, and so on.

The tears stopped falling and for most of the part I felt relieved. But for the other part, I felt an uneasy feeling, not whole; as if something was missing.

Knowing what this meant from previous experiences, I moved on to my thigh, were lifted my short a bit and began the whole procedure I did in my arm.

After stopping, I stood up weakly. I grabbed onto the sink in front of me, my knees failing at keeping me stable.

I turned on the water and began taking the blood off my arms, washing all the evidence. I felt something dripping down my leg, I shivered knowing it was my blood that needed to be cleaned.

I felt a sting, once the water hit my wounds. I was now cleaning the part of my arm close to my elbow.

I felt some tears go down my face from how much it was stinging.

"Y/N!" I turned around quickly trying to hide my arms behind me. Knowing it was Jared, knowing that he caught me. I wasn't able to look at him straight in the eyes.

"Babe, what did you do." he said, grabbing both of my arms and turning them around to look at my bleeding wrists.

He took my back towards the sink where he began cleaning the blood off of them. Ashamed, I look at the floor. Silence, everything was silent. Except for Jared repeatedly whispering "I love you."

He did the same for my thighs, small tears escaping his eyes.

Then, he grabbed my wrists in his big hands and placed small kisses for every blade wound I had.

Jared walked up behind me and carried me in his arms back to the bed in the room outside.

He carefully placed me on the mattress and then sat next to me.

We stayed silent for a few minutes until he broke it by grabbing my hands in his and looking at my eyes. I moved my head to the side to look at the floor, ashamed once more. But all he did was lightly tilt my head with his finger until I was looking at him.

"You know I'll be there for you at any time right?" he said sweetly and all I could do was nod silently.

"Look at me and tell me that you know how much you really mean to me."

Once again, no words came out of my mouth. Not able to answer his demand I look at the ground. Weakness ran through my whole body. Not only physically but emotionally.

I'm weak. I'm not brave. I'm not pretty. I'm not clever like everyone else. I'm just wasting space here, space that someone else that was worthy would use better.

By now the tears were back on my face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." was the only thing I managed to get out of my mouth.

"Look at me and tell me that you know how much you really mean to me." he repeated with a serious expression.

After a while, a while full of silent, I let out a small and uneasy "I know."

With this said, Jared let out a small sigh of relief and a small sad smile formed on his lips.

"I love you so so much. And it hurts me to see you like this. It hurts me to know that I'm not able to take your pain away. But I'm trying and I'll try my best to make you happy and I'll never stop. Just promise me that you'll stop, that you'll stop hurting yourself. That you'll come to me as soon as possible when you feel sad, when you feel like doing something like this again. Promise me."

I nodded, crying even more at his beautiful words. He embraced me in his arms, in a very well needed hug which I accepted gladly. I put my head on his shoulder, crying my eyes out. Him not even caring that I'm ruining his shirt, him rubbing my back soothingly and drawing small circles and hearts on my back that calmed me down by the second.

"I love you" I said after I calmed down.

He grabbed my face by the cheeks and pressed a lightly but meaningful kiss on my lips.

,

Author's Note: Did you guys cry while reading this? I hope I didn't made you sad. Anyways, I'm currently on a plane back home.

If you want a personal imagine, just request it or comment about it in the comments.