a promise unkept

Chapter Ten: Thoughts

Gwen's POV

"He did what?!" I say, my voice full of shock. Katherine Fowl had just came by the hospital to drop off my homework, and was telling me about something that happened at school today.

"You heard me," She responds, "Lance insulted you and Peter said all kinds of things defending you. He said your eyes shined like a lake of diamonds."

I blush fiercely at this. Then Katherine says, "He also said he loved you."

"He did?" I ask quietly. Katherine nods her head.

"Let me tell you something, Gwen. I have no idea why you guys broke up in the first place, but that boy loves you."She pauses for a minute before quietly asking, "Do you love him?"

Looking down, I respond immediately, "Of course I do."

Katherine nods her head, as if thinking hardly, "Well I better be getting home."

I nod my head, " Yeah, and Katherine?"

"Yeah?"

Smiling I say, " Thanks for telling me all that."

She smiles too and nods her head, "Don't give up on him yet." Then she leaves the room.

I repeat her words in my head. Don't give up on him yet.

Slowly, I turn my head around and begin to think. If I love him so much, then why am I finding  so hard to talk to him? I close my eyes as the tears fall down my face, because I can't deny it any longer: I miss Peter.

_ _ _ _ 

That night, my mom comes in and sits next to my bed, "You okay, honey?"She takes my hand and squeezes it.

I nod my head, "Yeah."

"I'm sorry I could't be here with you all day," She says.

"Mom, it's fine. Besides, I think they needed you more than I did," I say, referring to my brothers.

My mother chuckles, "You're probably right."

A few minutes of silence follows. I soon break it by saying, "Mom?"

"Yes, Gwen?"

"I..I need your advice on something," My voice is threatening to break and I do my best to keep my tears in.

My mother looks concerned, "What is it dear? Are you alright?"

"I-." But it's no use. My tears suddenly break free and soon I am sobbing.

"Gwen, dear, what's wrong?" Mom says, moving closer to me, urgency in her voice.

I try to control my breathing, before saying, "I made a mistake Mom."

She looks at me, telling me to finish.

Sighing, I continue." I completely pushed somebody out of my life, and now all I want to do is see them. But I can't, because they hate me, all because of some stupid mistake!"

After what happened today, it seems silly to think Peter would hate me, but I can't help it. I don't deserve to be loved, not after what I made him go through.

And then I break down completely. My body shakes with sobs and my mother soothingly runs my back.

At least five minutes pass, and my cries reduced to sniffles. I wipe my eyes and try drying my face with my arm.

"Gwen." I turn to look at my mom, "this is about Peter, isn't it?"

Was it really that obvious? I didn't what her to know it was him, but what will I gain by lying? So instead I nod my head.

She slowly nods too, before she says, "Look at me." I obey. "Gwen, that boy loves you, I don't even think it would be possible for him to hate you."

I look at her, my eyes still wet. "I know it's not, but I can't help it."

She sighs, " I know Peter didn't want me to tell you this, but.." I raise my eyebrows at her, "He's been calling daily, sometimes more, to check up on you."

Just when I thought Peter couldn't express his love for me more, he does. But what do I do now? Just because he loves me doesn't mean he'll take me back. He made the promise to my father and broke up with me because he loved me.

But no, if he doesn't take me back, I'll understand, no matter how heartbroken I will feel. I just need him to understand how I feel. How I love him too.