Feelings

Truth

Band practice was the next day. The guys let me come to band practice because it was winter break and I was bored so Ashton asked me i I wanted to come. I was reluctant for a while because of the whole Michael thing , but Luke reminded me to fake it. So that's what I did. I went to band practice and pretended like everything was fine , but it wasn't. Nothing was fine and I had just realized that faking it wasn't going to get me far. Faking it was only making it much much worse.

I listened to some of the songs for a while and let me say that they were really good. Luke let me listen to all except two. I'm guessing because he didn't want anyone hearing it until he sang it for Abbey , so I decided to go home.
On the way home I stopped at the mall and walked around for a while , not wanting to go home. Just the other day , I walked in on Abbey and Clayton making out. Ew.

When I got hom I was extremely happy there was no sign of Abbey or Clayton. I shut the door , turning away from it but not for long. I turned around quickly when I heard someone clear their throat.
There Michael was , standing in from of my door with an agry look on his face.

"You have some explaining to do." I looked at his confused. He held up my diary in his hands. I tried to grab it out of his hands but he was to quick and pulled it up higher.

"You lied to me. You didn't forget anything? How could you." He was furious. I knew this because his face turned red and his voice got deeper.

"No Michael. You don't get it. I dud that because you were unhappy with me. I thought what I was doing was right." I spat at him.

"Well it wasn't! And to make it worse you wrote about it." He yelled.

"Yeah. I did write about it , and I wrote about you too. But I could write a thousand different things that describe how I feel in many many ways , but it none of it would matter because you don't care." I yelled right back at him.

"No I-" I cut Michael off before he could say anything else.

"That's the difference between you and me. I actually care , and I care to damn much. And lately I've been thinking about who I want to love , how I want to love and why I want to love. I need to learn what love is , I know that. But when I break every piece of that down , LISTEN TO ME , when I break it down it comes to just this ; I want to be with you , I want to be the personyou run to when you're scared , I want to be the person you trust with all of your secrets. Most importantly , I just want to be with you , but then I snap back into reality. Dont you understand? Every time you open your mouth to talk or even sing , I forget that you broke me mentally and physically , and it scares me to know that you have that kind of effect on me. Especially knowing that when you look at me you can't stand me." I finished my rant and didn't even realize that I was crying. But I didn't care and neither did Michael , he proved that.

"And now that I've gotten all of that off of my chest , and seeing how you have nothing to say. I'm looking at you right now and all I want right now , is to get you out of my sight."

"Kay." He tried to say.

"Leave. Im done with you." I spat and walked out of my dorm room. Leaving him alone.