Feelings

Poolside

I pulled up at Calum's house , noticing Ashton's car in the drive way , along with Luke's. Great this really was just great , this is exactly what I needed , a bunch of boy's asking me questions about where I've been and why I haven't talked to anyone.

I sat in my car for a while. I didn't want to go in and hear there mouths and I didn't know how Ashton would react today.

It's been a weeks since the incident , and Ashton and I haven't spoken since. When I woke up the next morning , I quickly left obviously not wanting for Ashton to wake up and want to talk about the whole thing. I sat there like a weirdo before I left , watching Ashton sleep. He was so cute when he was asleep , his hair was messed up and he had little snores escaping his mouth.

But everything bothered me now , every noise or sudden movement , scares the hell out of me. I don't like to be alone in my room anymore , in fact I wait for Abbey to get home before I go anywhere near the college. I even walk quickly down the halls to my next class , so that I hopefully don't cross paths with Clayton.

Anyway the reason I'm at Calum's house is because he put us all in a group chat earlier saying that we we're all going swimming and that he didn't care if we didn't want to go or not. He was going to drag us there if he wanted. Reluctantly , we all agreed.

I walked into Calum's house to see all the boys without shirts and wearing shorts , ready to go. Michael as usual was the only one with a shirt on , he was usualy insecure about his body. Ashton , Calum and Luke had no shirts , as usual , showing off the muscles they somewhat had. Abbey was also there , she had her swimsuit on and was sitting really close to Luke. I didn't care though , she made him happy and he made her happy so I guess I should be happy. But I'm not , I'm miserable right now.

"What are you wearing? We are going swimming. "Calum stood up and asked me. I looked at all the guys , noticing I was a little overdressed.

"My swim suit is underneath these clothes. "I shrugged looking down at my sweat pants and baggy shirt. I'm a little self conscious now. After that , I find everything wrong with me. I was in my swimsuit earlier but then I looked in the mirror and just decided to cover every inch of my body up.

"It's like eighty degrees outside and you're wearing sweats." Luke piped in. He looked over at Abbey and stared at her body in her nice swim suit. I mean don't get me wrong , I have a somewhat nice body. Not supermodel nice , but it was nice enough to show off. But I didn't show it off , I couldn't.

"Aren't we going swimming? Let's go." I tried to change the subject walking to Calum's backdoor. I stared outside the sliding glass door , looking at Calum's huge pool. Out of all of us Calum always had the coolest stuff , whether it be the biggest pool or even the biggest house.

"As a matter of fact , you've never wore anything over your swimsuit." Michael jumped up from the couch , then grabbing my arm , stopping me from going outside.

"So?" I pushed Michael off of me and shrugged my shoulders , not liking the sudden attention they were all giving me.

"So? What's up?" Luke walked over to Michael and I.

I took a quick glance over at Ashton who was sitting on the couch , watching this go down. I looked him trying to get his help , hoping that he would understand the situation and help me out at least a little.

"Okay guys let's just go swim. Maybe Kay just wanted to wear sweats. Leave her alone." Ashton walked by us and out the door , followed by Calum. Luke and Michael shared a look before leaving me alone in Calum's livingroom.

Ashton had seen that I was uncomfortable. He helped me out of that situation and even though he's always done that , it was different this time. Just like when we fell asleep in his bed. We had done that before , but something was just different. Everything was different now.

I made my way outside , sitting on a lounge chair and watching the boys go wild ; jumping in and doing flips. This was just like when we were kids , always doing crazy things and I was always leading them on , encouraging them to do something new and dumb. But we weren't kids anymore and suddenly I didn't want to be apart of any of this. Yes I wanted to jump in and go nuts , but I didn't want anyone looking at me.

Sitting on the chairs in the sun , I began to sweat and Michael took a notice on this.

"Kay if you don't get in I will throw you in." I shook my head , not believing him.
Michael climbed out of the pool and walked over to me. I held onto the chair , not wanting to go in. Michael looked at Calum and Luke and then they got out of the pool and came over to me. All three , picked up the chair and threw it in the pool , with me still on it. I sank to the bottom , not wanting to come up for air , but I did anyway. When I came up everybody was laughing at me , including Ashton.

I crawled out of the pool and began to peel my clothes off. Ashton ran inside laughing , and one by one I peeled off every inch of soaking wet clothing. I threw each piece on the ground , which left me in my blue and purple tie dye swim suit.

I slowly turned around. "I'm going to kill you all." I laughed. Nobody laughed or joked back at me , they just stared.

Ashton came back outside still laughing and I turned to him , but his smile soon faded.

"Kay." Ashton pointed down at my legs , still frowning. I slowly looked down. I hadn't realized that on my thighs were marks that Clayton had left. Large red bruises ran down both right and left thighs. That was the main reason that I wore sweatpants.
Luke quickly got out of the pool and turned me around.
He stared at me in shock , like I had done this to myself. I didn't want my brother to see me like that. I ran inside to Calum's bathroom and locked myself in. Minutes later there were knocks on the door.

"Go away." I cried.

"Kay open up." As soon as I heard Ashton's voice , I opened the door and pulled him in. He stumbled and fell to the floor right next to me. Ashton giggled for a minute and then looked at me. His giggle quickly disappeared when he saw my face , red and puffy.

"I'm so sorry Kay." He shook his head and wrapped his arms around me. "I didn't think it was that bad. I had no idea that he left marks on you , if I did I would have stopped them I swear. I'm gonna kill him. Oh my god. Luke us gonna kill me if he finds out that I knew." Ashton rambled on while I cried into his shirtless chest. Ashton rambled a lot , even when we were kids

"Ash. You're not helping the situation. I didn't want my brother seeing that. I didn't even want him to know , I didn't want anyone to know?" I cried. He pulled away and stared at me.

"Why not? We need to do something about this."

"It's embarrassing Ashton." I yelled but quickly lowering my voice , realizing how loud I was being.

"I don't care." He stood up. "I have to tell them. They can help do something , anything!" He yelled. I grabbed Ashton and pulled him back down next me.

"Please Ash. I'm not ready , I can't." I cried some more. These past two weeks I have cried more than I have in my entire life. I'm not completely sure how I can cry anymore. I mean when I think that I'm all cried out , I start crying again.

"Okay. I won't say anything until you're ready. But we do have to tell them sometime , they are going to get curious." Ashton rocked me back and forth in his arms. He bent down and kissed my forehead , hugging me again.