Feelings

Doctor

Ashton snuck me out of Calum's house yesterday after the pool party. I didn't want to see anybody or tell them goodbye , so Ashton brought me my clothes later that night. I'm not sure what he told the guys , but what I do know is that whatever he told them worked.

Nobody has bothered me about the bruises on my thighs or about how I got them. The bruises are finally going away but I'm not sure they will ever just go away. Clayton left more than just physical scars on me , he left emotional ones too.

I haven't heard about it from anyone. Even Abbey hasn't brought it up , everytime I see her she's always talking about Luke. I love that my brothers happy with her , believe me I am , but it's the constant nagging about how much they are in love that bothers me. They've only know each other for two months and have been dating for one month. I think it's just a little too early for them to think they are in love.

Luke went through this same thing with his last girlfriend , Hanna , before he went on tour with One Direction. They thought they were in love and that it would last forever. That was until while Luke was on tour and I saw her with some guy at the movies. I had to tell Luke the bad news and it broke his heart. Now if Abbey did that to him , I'll break more than just her heart.

This morning I woke up not feeling good. I've been puking all morning and it turns out that I've missed my period by a week. I'm really hoping it's not what I think it is because then I wouldn't know what to do. How would I tell my parents , Luke , Calum , Michael , and Ashton? How would I tell Ashton if I was pregnant with my rapist baby. Clayton's baby.

I made a appointment with my doctor just to have her run a few test to tell me if I'm pregnant or not. I walked into the doctors office. I'll admit I was nervous. I'm to young and I'm in college , I have a life , I can't be a mom. Plus my own mom would kill me if I had a baby at eighteen , almost nineteen.
It would be a good experience if I was pregnant though. I would learn a lot. The thought of carrying a baby inside of me , it growing in me. The thought alone was amazing. But I had to think of myself and my future. I wouldn't be able to get a real good job if I had a baby to take care of. I know that I would have support , but it still wouldn't be enough. Even if I did end up being pregnant , I could always give it up for adoption , that was a choice I had.

After the appointment the doctor said that she'll call me with the test results and I couldn't wait to get them. As I started to walk out of the office I bumped into someone and fell straight onto the floor , face first.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Are you OK- Kaydan?" I looked up and saw Calum. What the hell was Calum doing in a women's doctors office. Last time I checked Calum was all boy. I would say man , but let's face it , he's a boy.

"Cal? What are you doing here." I laughed nervously.

"Uhm. I came to pick up something's for my mom. What are you doing here?" He raised his eyebrows and reached out a hand to help me up. I gladly took it and he pulled me up.

"Just to see my doctor. Have a few check ups." He nodded along.

After a few minutes of awkward silence we both went out separate ways.

The whole day was filled with me lying in bed , thinking about what I could have and should have done to stop Clayton. But in all reality , I wouldn't have been able to stop him. I tried.

My birthday is in two days and I'm not really looking forward to turning nineteen. Not after this crazy emotional rollercoaster I've been on lately.

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Hi guys I know this is a really short chapter but I have big plans , so go with me on this.

Thanks. -Karli