The Bad Boy Returns

Chapter 37: ...I'm Sorry

KAT'S POV
Normally I might find some joy in knowing that there is something out there that can bother Shane. With him being fearless and what not I tend to forget that he actually does in fact have problems and fears. But standing in front of him at this moment, his face turning pale with every painfully slow second that passes by I find myself worried. There is something out there that has Shane in knots. There is something that he fears.
Pacing back and forth in front of me, I eye him carefully. Scared of what might happen I keep my mouth shut, concentrating on the worrisome crease on his forehead. I watch as his eyes dart around fearfully, his mouth twitching, anxiously wanting to speak. He continually weaves his fingers through his carmel locks, pulling at the ends frustratedly.
I watch him struggle for only so long until I can't take watching him like this.
"Shane." I say softly. He dismisses me completely, making no indication that he heard me. "Shane!" I say louder, grabbing his arm in an attempt to stop him from burning holes into the ground with his excessive pacing. "What's wrong Shane? You're scaring me." I make eye contact with him, pulling him closer to myself. I search his eyes for the answers. "What do you need to tell me?" I ask trying to make him focus on me. His eyes latch onto my face as if he was pulled out of a trance. I hear him lightly panting, his breaths sounding uneven. I search his face, noticing a spray of freckles across his narrow nose."Uhhmm..." He starts before stopping again, scanning the empty, grass field where we both stand, alone. The tremor in his voice causes me to start internally panicking. I grip his arm firmly, forcing him to look at me.

He locks eyes with me, cupping my cheek with his left hand. He steps closer, our chests making contact with each other. Softly caressing my cheek, he lightly pushes my face up towards his. Before I can comprehend what he's doing, he encases my lips between his in a frenzied manner, gripping my cheeks with a need. As though this was his last day on earth. His soft lips dance across mine firmly. His hand trails down my neck lightly, resting there.
I widen my eyes before they flutter close. Just as quickly as it happened he lightly pushes me away from him, forcing space between us. I stand there breathless touching my lip in exasperation, still feeling the tingling sensation upon my lips.
"...Okay..." He sighs breathlessly. He takes a brief pause collecting himself. "I'm just going to come out and say it because there is no right way to do this, and I wish I didn't have to." He says in one gulp, never taking a breath. "And..." He looks at me softly. "...I'm sorry." He says lightly.
Still shell shocked I just nod, not knowing how else to respond to his sudden change in behavior.
"I know what happened to you. In ninth grade. I know what Nate did to you." He says lowly. My eyes widen even more as I unconsciously step backwards almost tripping, a deafening pounding in my ears.
My breath starts picking up as he continues dreadfully. "I was there that night. I saw what happened." He gives me a pitiful look, holding his head in his hands.
"You were- you...what? How could...you can't." I stumble over my words, spewing nonsense. He couldn't know. No one knew. No one was supposed to ever know. I stare at him in disbelief, wishing I could crawl into a hole and never come out. I feel a giant weight push against my chest as I heave, trying to catch my breath. He reaches out for me but I back up quickly, pushing his body away.

"There's one more thing..." He gulps, tears forming in his eyes. "When he did what he did, he did it because he thought I told him to. He asked me if he could make the next move with you and I said yes. He did it to spite me! I thought he was going to ask you out or something I never meant for this to happen!" His voice cracks betraying his words. "This was my fault, I never wanted this to happen to you!" 

I stumble backwards quickly, tripping over a patch of grass and falling on my bottom. The tears race down my face in a frenzy. My stomach turns at the words spewing out of his mouth. I force myself up off of the ground.
Shaking my head I look around the empty field. The silence deafening as the two of us stand there.
"You were there?! You never told me! You stood there the entire time with me knowing what you know. How could you just go through out each day acting like everything is fine when you knew what you were hiding from me! Shane!" I shout at him, pushing my hands against his chest, making him stumble backwards lightly. He grips his shirt staring blankly at me.
"I'm so sorry. They were taking me to juvie, I- I couldn't help you, I couldn't stop it. I tried so hard." He admits on the verge of tears. His voice getting lower with every word.
"That's why you hated Nate so much!" I say coming to a realization, finally figuring out why he hated his former best friend to that extent.
"What did you see?" I demand. He looks down, lightly shaking his head. "Tell me what you saw Shane!" I say between clenched teeth. He snaps his head up in defeat, nodding.
"Did you see everything?" I ask shakily.
He shakes his head. "I saw enough to make me sick to my stomach. I saw you struggling and I saw him throw you out of the truck. I saw you on the concrete crying with the blood dripping down your legs. That's the last thing I saw before the car was too far gone to see anything else. That was the last thing I saw before I got sent away." He admits as his voice comes to a whisper, running his hands up and down his face vigorously. Tears finally drop from his eyes. I turn around groaning audibly. I feel sick to my stomach as I absorb all the overwhelming information I've received.
"Just tell me one more thing." I look at him quickly. He nods slowly ready for whatever I throw his way. "Why did you just kiss me? Knowing what you know?" I ask sternly.

"Because I needed to know what it would be like before I ruined everything. What we could've been." He answers quickly, looking away from me. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing my tears to stop. I shake my head vigorously as I look back at him. As we both cry I slowly back away not being able to handle much more. "I can't do this."
I spare him one last glance before I race off down the now darkened street and head for my house.

I slowly reach the end of my drive way, the tears still running down my face at a continuous rate. Drained I drag my self to my house slowly. As I approach the front door I see a petite figure in the shadows of the front porch. The figure quickly steps into the front door light revealing the face of the shadow. I sniffle loudly, my voice cracking.
"Brit?"
-------
"He told you?" She sighed with sad eyes. I look at her confusingly.
"Wait, you know?!" I struggle to keep still.
"I kind of found out when Shane thought I planned for this to happen!" She admits to me her face contorted. I shut my eyes, not able to handle the Bouts of information that's being thrown at me. "What are you doing here?" I demand, trying to get around her. "I came to apologize. I am so so sorry! I was the one who paid him to go out with you, this is all my fault and I feel like a disgusting human being. I know you can never forgive me but..."
She spews, tears forming in her eyes. I chuckle darkly not believing the things I am finding out today.
"Are you okay?" She attempts to ask me.
"The one person that I- the one person who was always real with me just revealed how 'real' he really was. And you..." I trail off pushing past her and into my house.
"No I am not okay. I am far from okay."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Please comment your thoughts on this chapter!!!
I really want to hear your thoughts.
A lot went down this chapter!
Thanks for reading!