The Bad Boy Returns

Chapter 55: I Need You To Trust Me

KAT'S POV

'Did you know that elephants can recognize themselves in mirrors? It's called the mirror test.' Nikki doesn't bother saying hello as she's already goes on her tangent.
"Well, who is going to give an elephant a mirror? Oh and hello to you too." I roll my eyes, as I walk through the park alone.
'Sorry, hi and it's a test where you put a mirror in front of an animal and you figure out if they can recognize themselves or not. Not too many animals can apparently." She continues , going on about her time in Africa.
"It sounds like you're really getting into this new lifestyle." I comment, kicking some dry leaves in front of me.
'Yeah, it's pretty cool, I guess." She mumbles, losing some of her excitement. 'Anyway, enough about me, what's new in the exciting life of Kat.' She asks, clearly changing the subject.
"Honestly, not much. I've got Jennifer's wedding soon, which is exciting. Shane and I are really good and I've been seeing my mom once a week." I tell her a run down of what she already knows.
'Oh yeah! How are things going with your mom?'

"They're going better than I expected. She seems really genuine about getting better and we've actually had real conversations for once. I just hope it continues, you know?" I explain to her, finding my way to a swing set.
'Yeah, I hope it all goes well.'
"Me too." I agree with her statement."So when are you coming back?"
'Um, we're still not sure yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I find out.' She answers, sadness in her voice.
"I hope it's soon." I admit to her.
'I do too." She agrees, continuing. 'I don't mean to sound rude, but what did you want to talk to me about?"

I was hoping she would have forgotten about that message, but evidently she didn't.
"I need your insight on something, and I need you to be objective about it, even though it will be hard, considering you're my best friend." I tell her vaguely.
'Okay? What is this about?' She asks slowly, obviously confused.
"What are your thoughts about me going to talk to Nate?" I wince at my own question.
'Are you kidding me? No way in hell! Why would you want to do that?"she shouts.
"Look, through all of this commotion I never really got a chance to ever vocalize how I was feeling. I just have this need to tell him how much I hate him and how I'm feeling. I know it's strange but I just can't shake it." I try to explain to her, even though I've barely been able to explain it to myself. It's like this thought that won't leave me alone. I wish I could explain it and not sound so strange.

'Sorry, okay objectively I'll tell you that none of us know what you went  through or what that did to you, so that choice is yours. But as your best friend I say: Hell no!' I nod, actually getting what she said.

"Yeah I get it I sound nuts, but I guess I need that closure or something." I try to explain.
'You do what you gotta do, I guess but please think about it a little more before you make any decisions okay?" She asks me.
"Of course, thanks Nikki, I'll talk to you later okay." I say my goodbyes and we hang up.

         ________________________

Shane's warm hands run up and down my back, as we snuggle up on his couch, which is making it hard to focus on anything else. His eyes are glued to the random movie that we found on the TV.
I watch his concentration, biting the inside of my cheek, paying no attention to the television. The calmness in his features suddenly changes as he catches me staring at him. "What's wrong, Kat?" His eyebrows scrunch in confusion.
"I need to talk to you about something, because we agreed, no more secrets." I explain, already regretting bringing this topic up before I even said it.
The worry in my voice catches his attention and he turns the TV off completely, looking over at me.
"You're kinda scaring me, Kat." He admits, waiting for me to continue.
"So ever since Nate was arrested, I've had this problem. Everyone talked about the incident like I wasn't there ; you, your dad, even your mom. At that time I was grateful for that but now I feel like I need to tell him how I felt about the situation." I tell him truthfully. His face contorts from confusion to what looks like anger or contempt. "You want to talk to him. Are you serious!?" He slightly raises him voice, obviously trying to stay calm.
I nod slowly, clenching my teeth.
"Why?!" He stands up, having a hard time staying still. I stand up with him needing him to understand.
"I don't know! It's been bothering me for a while." I admit that I don't even really know why.
"No way! Never! You are not doing that!" He says without an second thought, which was expected.
I shake my head. "You don't get it Shane! This has been bugging me for so long. I feel like I can't get past this! I honestly don't know why and I wish I did because I don't want to do this but I have to! I need to end this and get closure or something. I can't explain it in a way that will make you understand!" I begin yelling back at him.
"Kat!" He wipes his hand across his face, angrily. "Do you realize what you're saying? You can't do this!" He shouts back at me, throwing his arms in the air, in frustration.
"I'm not stupid, Shane! I realize how it sounds but you don't understand okay! You don't know what it's like to live with this everyday, it's horrible and if this is the only way that I'll get even a little bit of closure then so be it! I need you to trust me and support me on this." I can practically see the smoke coming from his ears.

"I know you're not stupid and I do
trust you, I don't trust him or his words, I don't care if he is behind bars or not! You are not going!" He states, emphasizing each word.
I shake my head, backing up from him. "I didn't ask for your permission, I'm telling you because we don't hide things from each other anymore." I explain to him, having a hard time getting through to his thick skull.
Shane takes a visibly agitated breath, trying to calm himself down, in order to have an actual conversation about this.
"I'm asking you not to do this, I think it's a very bad idea."
I take a couple steps towards him as he stays in place.
"Shane, he can't do anything to me from in there." I try to tell him.
"No, but he can still mess with your head, like he's been doing for years. I don't understand why you have to do this?" He admits.
"I know. Look, you and I deal with these things differently, Shane." I try to calm down as well.
"I'm trying to understand Kat, really but I don't get it!" He tells me, shouting once again. I wish I could explain it to him in a way that makes sense but none of this makes any sense.
"I can't make you understand, Shane! I just hoped you could support me!" I admit to him, shouting as well.
"I can't support this, you can't do this!" He continues shouting.
I begin to tire out, as we just begin to talk in circles, not getting anywhere. I grab my stuff. "You know what, fine!" I head towards the door.
"Where are you going?!" He follows behind me.
Slamming the door behind me, angrily. "Anywhere but here!"