S/HE

Bad is the new Good

Do you guys like dying? I actually do. But I just need to go to heaven though. But since I didn't, I wish I was alive!!!! Well, I am now. But I'm not myself!!!!! Freaking Justin Bieber lied, he said "Then, baby, you should go and love yourself". Well, I can't love myself because I'm a serial killer! Although, I'm a little nice goody girl. I like the serial killer better. It's more... not boring. Being good is boring. Killing is fun. But don't do it if it's illegal in your country. Wait, is it illegal in the Philippines because I would move there right now. If I was alive. I mean, my old self. I know I say this a lot but, WHY IS KILLING ILLEGAL? I wouldn't mind if somebody just randomly kill people with their shotgun. Just not me though. Plus, my uncle is a serial killer and he didn't get arrested....yet. (Don't tell anybody about that! Especially the police, and I don't know why but they get so angry when somebody kills somebody or everybody). Ok, I'm starting my mission right now. The first one in my list is...eww, Lance's family. Since I can't say sorry to Lance, because I killed him. Lance is lucky that his body was the only one that Liam and Jason didn't sell because the meat place didn't want his asian body. I have to say sorry to his family, who's probably having an asian funeral or something. IYup, I was right, they are. This asian lady is crying so hard, I think she's Lance's mother. Oh no, they saw me. They asked me to come and I did. I just told them that I was Lance's friend. And they freaked out and was so happy. They said Lance don't really have friends, which I can tell and is a fact. So, they made me talk about Lance.

"I'm really sad that Lance died. And I know that you all are sad as well, especially Lance's mother" I said and pointed at the crying asian.

"I'm his girlfriend" she said.

"Aren't you like 42 or something?" I asked.

"I'm 16" she said.

"Is that chinese for 42?" I said.

"I'm Filipino and no!" she said.

"So you are 42 but not chinese?" I said.

"I'm not freaking 42!" she said and everyone gasped.

"I'm sorry for that bad and inappropriate language" she said.

"What?! She said 'freaking' and you all act like she's young and fucking pregnant or something. Like she didn't even have the vagina to say 'fucking'!" I said and everyone stared at me.

"I'm sorry for that bad and inappropriate language" I said, because they look at me like I'm Satan.

"So, where was I?" I said.

"Cursing my son's girlfirend" some boy said.

"Oh yeah right. I'm sorry for that by the way. So, Lance was such a good friend. But I think that he was just too good. That's probably why he got killed, because he was too much of an asian. He could have at least to act white or something because he is in America. Plus, I ki.. I mean whoever killed him probably just got annoyed and shot him in the balls. And since, he didn't have a penis, I.. I mean she shot him in the head!" I said and everyone stared at me again.

"He does have a penis!" his girlfriend said.

"Oh and how do you know that? Did he put it inside your imaginary small damn pussy?" I said.

"No. It's just small, not imaginary" she said.

"And it's okay girl, being asian is your excuse!" I said and she just turned away like she's angry.

"So, whoever did this to Lance, do you guys forgive her?" I asked.

"She shot him in the balls and since he doesn't have a dick, she shot him in the head to kill him, just because he was asian and smart. Of course, we forgive her. We're sick of that asian too. I would have killed him but that girl did it first. So, whoever killed him, thank you and bless you, but I hate you for killing him before I did" his mother said and everyone agreed.

"What are you saying? He was such a nice guy" his girlfriend said.

"Shut the fuck up and calm your small us vagina. You didn't really like him. And if you did, just get another asian to suck your imaginary pussy!" his mother said.

"Can you be my mom?" I asked.

"Awe, no. I hate kids. Lance was just a mistake!" his mother said.

"You are such an inspiration" I cried.

"You all are crazy!!!!!" his girlfriend screamed and left.

"Finally! I was about to ask if that bitch can leave. Or not. I would have just threw her out!" his mother said.

So, Lance's family and I ditched the funeral and went ice skating. His mother suggested to bring Lance's body so we can run it over with our ice skates. It was such a good idea! But I couldn't tolerate it because I had to be nice remember. Ugh, being nice is so boring. You know what? Bad is the new Good. That's my excuse. We actually took his body and brought it to the skating rink but they didn't let us. They said Lance wasn't tall enough to get in. They didn't even care that he is DEAD. So, we just left it in the middle of the driveway of the cemetery for cars to drive over it. See, Bad is the new Good.

Note: My new hero is Lance's mother. Lance is dead, again, again, again. 3 cars hit it that's why. May he rest in peace. Or pieces.