S/HE

Sexy Granny

I can't believe it! I actually completed two of my missions considering I got turned into a little girl then, to a little boy. It's just not fair! It's too hard to be "nice". This is why there's HELL people! Why do you think they made it? Or who "they" are. But they made it for a reason. So people won't have to be nice. Whoever made it is my hero. You're an inspiration to all assholes like me. All assholes but NOT BORING like me. All nice people get is nothing. Except for getting accepted in heaven. But wait no. They don't get accepted in life. Or at least in earth. And popularity in here is more important than heaven. I rest my case.

"Hey. Congratulations for accomplishing another mission" my guardian devil said, showing up out of nowhere.

"Can you like shut up right now because I'm busy talking to myself? What? I'm alone in earth. My only friends are Me, Myself, and I!" I said.

"I can tell" my guardian devil said.

"How? Was I talking to myself really loudly? Ok, I'll stop screaming" I said.

"No, stupid! We have the power to read minds" my guardian devil said.

"Ok, prove it, what am I thinking right now?" I asked.

"Shut the fuck up or I'll eat off my own dick and slap you with it!" my guardian devil said.

"What about now?" I asked.

"Dicks" my guardian devil said.

"What about now?" I asked.

"Dicks" my guardian devil said.

"What about now?" I asked.

"DICKS! You always think about dicks!" my guardian devil said.

"Oh, I like your powers. Hey, if I can't complete this mission shits, how can I apply for the guardian devil job?" I asked.

"No. You're not qualified" my guardian devil said.

"So, I got the job! Yes. That means I don't have to do this fake apology shits to these fake bitches!" I said.

"No. I said you're not qualified for the job!" my guardian devil said.

"Exactly. So, that means I got the job" I said.

"Oh, I get it. I just looked in through your mind and it's empty. Besides all the floating dicks. I also found out that you don't even know the meaning of qualified!" my guardian devil said.

"Hey! Nobody told me that being a guardian devil means I have to learn Math" I said.

"It's not even math!" my guardian devil said.

"Science? History? Gym? Lunch? Whatever you call it!" I said.

"Ok, let me make this clear to you. You're not going to be a guardian devil. And before you say any more of your crazy shits, I'm going to say why I came down here. It's about your mission. Even though you passed, you are being punished!" my guardian devil said.

"WHAT?! So, I got punished for being bad. Now, I got punished for being good. Is there any other places than heaven or hell because I feel like both are so fake like make up your mind people. DO YOU WANT TO BE BAD OR GOOD?!" I said.

"You are being punished because you were being bad. You didn't really made the girl accept your apology without using any of your bad shits" my guardian devil said.

"Oh, I get it. And don't judge me! That's just how I roll. Like my tongue when I'm su..." I said.

"I know what you're gonna say and don't even continue!" my guardian devil said and interrrupted me (how rude!).

"I still don't believe that you have mind reading power shit" I said.

"Oh yeah. Watch this. That guy is thinking about dumping his girlfriend for his mom. That girl is thinking about dumping her boyfriend for his dad. That girl feels guilty for having sex with the school's principal. That guy feels that he should marry his grandfather but he's scared that his dad will feel bad because his dad likes him too. Oh and all those people I said are in the same family. Well, right now but these crazy bitches are doing weird shits in their lives!" my guardian devil said.

"Fine. And oh please my family is crazier than that" I said.

"I know. You killed them" my guardian devil said.

"That's technically wrong. I failed killing my brother" I said.

"Whatever. So, your punishment is................................................... You're going to be an..." my guardian devil said.

"What? I'm going to be what? Wait, what happened to my voice. What happened to my dick? It's all flat. Why do I have boobs? Why is my skin so wrinkly? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You turned me to an FAT, BAD, UGLY OLD LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I said.

"No. I turned you to a FAT, UGLY OLD LADY. You can't be bad. Or else. More punishments for you" my guardian devil said.

"What in the fuckin hell is wrong with hell?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I said.

"Everything. That's why it's hell. Duh. I thought old people are smart!" my guardian devil said.

"NO! I can't even walk. I feel like I'm falling when I'm trying to. Ugh. And I can't remember anything. Even my name. Or what I ate this morning? Oh wait (I smelled my breath), I remember than now. I ate trash this morning. You guys should have at least gave me an allowance when I came back to earth" I said.

"Hell is not your bank account" my guardian devil said.

"It is if it's rich" I said.

"Do you really want me to turn you something worst?" my guardian devil said.

"This is already the worst!" I said.

Then, there's a big spark.

"Wait, what did you do? I still feel the same. I'm still old" I said.
"Yeah. But now, you're back to being asian!" my guardian devil said.

"WHAT?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So, not only I'm an old lady. But now I'm a FLAT old lady. You should have at least gave me a bit curve. You know.... sexy granny. What the fuck did I just say? See what you did to me! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed.

Note: I hate being old. I hate being asian. I hate this guardian devil bitch.