S/HE

Getting Married

Last week was awful. But it wasn't really a total lost because I met my soulmate. And my fiance. And my husband. And we're going to be parents. And grandparents. And die together. Too far? Whatever. He's MINE! And I'm going to do everything to get him so, I'll have my very own fairytale story. I'm going to be a princess. And he's going to be my prince. And Liam is going to be our servant. See, perfect fairytale story. But enough of that. My dad is giving a special announcement tonight. I hope the announcement is that there was a mistake 17 years ago, and it was Liam is not really related to us. I'm praying right now.

"Kids. You know that your mom died 5 years ago. And I think that we all move on. Except for Liam (he whispered)" my dad said.

"So, what is it dad?" I asked.

"I'm getting married!"

Me and Liam started talking at the same time.

"Yay!" I said. "No" he said.

"To a gay man" my dad said.

Me and Liam started talking at the same time again.

"What?!" I said. "What?!" he said.

"Gay?!" I said. "Gay?!" he said.

"Penis Gay?" I said. "Penis Gay?" he said.

Me and Liam looked at each other like, STFU.

"Well, technically he's not penis gay because he changed his penis to a vagina!"

Me and Liam started talking at the same time again.

"Ew!" I said. "Oh, You can do that" he said.

"That's disgusting!" I said. "That's interesting!" he said.

"What?!" I said. "What?!" he said.

"No it's not!" I said. "No, it's not!" he said.

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed. "Shut the fuck up!" he screamed.

"Both of you be quiet. You're being ridiculous!" my dad stopped us.
"No dad. You're being ridiculous and disgusting. You seriously replaced mom with a no-penis-vagina-gay-man?" I yelled at him.

"Actually. Me and your mom was going to tell you this before. We wanted to tell you together but who knew that she was going to get hit by a bus and her ambulance got hit by a place?!"
"You're point is?" I asked.

"Your mom is not a woman"
"What do you mean?" Liam asked.

"Your mom is not a girl"

"What do you mean?" Liam asked again.

"Your mom is a guy who also switched her penis to a vagina!"

"What do you mean?" Liam still asked.

"She's a fucking guy with a vagina!"

"So, me and Liam are not brother and sister" I asked.

"No, you guys are"

"So, you're not my dad?" Liam asked.

"I am"

"How is that possible?" I asked.

"It's complicated!"

"I knew Liam for all my life. Nothing's more complicated than him"

"Fine. I took my penis and put it inside a random girl's pussy and when I was about to cum, I put it in her vagina so, our egg and sperm cells would mix and make babies"

Me and Liam started talking at the same time again, again, again.

"Ewww!" I said. "Awesome!" I said.

"I know right!" my dad said.

"It is disgusting!" I said.

"No, I was talking to Liam. It was awesome!" he high-fived Liam.

"You two are disgusting. What else do you guys do that it is more disgusting?"

"Oh, me and dad jerked together watching porn and compete on which one of us have a bigger penis" Liam said.

"I didn't really want to know that!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You have to be more specific" Liam said.

"You have to be more smarter! So, you both are gays?"
"No. Only me" dad said.

"Yeah. That answered my question!"

"So, you'll meet JJ next month" dad said.

This family just got even more crazy. I wished that Liam wasn't my brother. Not my dad to be gay. Now, I'm scared to bring my boyfriends at home because he might suck their dicks. See, I have to face this problem now. I wish that Jason was here to sing me that song again. Wait, no. Dad might get attracted to him. Nevermind. Help ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Note: Still hate Jason. And now my dad! He should have at least be not related to me and not gay. So, I could hook up with him. Don't judge me. My dad got great offerings to give. Wink, Wink