pretty boy | taekook

at it again

chapter twelve ;; at it again
taehyung's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

We were at it again, Jeongguk crying in my arms at night. I went back to his house not too long ago to return his shirt since I forgot to a few days ago, but I simply opened the door that still wasn't locked. It concerned me, how Jeongguk never had any of his doors locked. What if someone bad decided to stop by and that was the last I'd hear from him?

The whole situation was worse this time, much worse. In no way did Jeongguk calm down as soon as I came over; he instead cried even harder, afraid for me to touch him. It was like watching a toddler getting a shot at the doctor's. Jeongguk's legs were kicking around, pushing me further back and landing a good hit in my ribs, and his arms stayed wrapped around his stomach, and the whole thing was terrifying. I almost cried from the sadness it held. To no prevail, Jeongguk did all he could to make me leave until his senses gave in, latching onto me like a koala.

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"Jeongguk, I came to return your shirt." I sing out into his silent townhouse. My legs carry me further into his cold home, looking over the same things that I saw last time, although something was different. There was a scent that hung in the air and it was stale, worrying me, "J-Jeongguk?" I call out again, placing my hand onto the wooden railing before finally deciding to go upstairs. I'd say sorry for his privacy after I found out if he's okay or not. I take no hesitation in pushing his white door open to only reveal a sight that made my knees go weak, "Jeongguk..."

His usually quiet and soft tone is no longer of that matter as he screams into the pillow under his head, clutching onto it like it's the last piece of his humanity. I can't see his face from it being covered in white fabric, but I can already tell that he's crying- sobbing. My loudly thumping feet are heard through the room, dropping onto his bed and holding my arms out to hold Jeongguk like a few nights ago.

"Let go of me!" He screams kicking my arms away with wide eyes.

"Guk, please." I go in for a second try, only to be kicked away once again, "Jeongguk, stop acting like this. You're being impossible when I'm trying to help you!" The tears slowly begin to form in my frantic eyes.

"Leave me alone!" He cries into the pillow once more, hiding his face all he can, "I- I don't wanna be h-h-hu-rt again." At that sentence, Jeongguk returns for a moment, allowing his eyes to look over the edge of the pillow.

"Hurt you?" I squint my eyes and lean back, away from his trembling frame. How could I ever hurt Jeongguk? That's the last thing I'd ever want to do, add to whatever pain this pretty boy's experiencing, "I'd never hurt you..."

His teeth meet his lower lip, biting down extremely hard, trying to hold back a sob. The usually rosiness of his lower lip turns white with force, matching the rest of his room. I'd say that it matches his faded aura, but it was black, the whole thing. There was no longer any brightness in his hue or eyes, shadows pulling in at immense speeds, outdoing any sports car or tornado. There's no lightning- no hope of light at all.

Jeongguk's a thunderstorm, booming and raining tears of fear and anger. The anger adds to the fear like humidity adding to the atmosphere, only adding more rain and darkness. Jeongguk isn't just scared, he's downright petrified, clutching onto the pillow like it's his last piece of humanity.

I'm determined, not allowing Jeongguk to go deeper into the swallowing depths of his mind. I don't trust him with his late night thoughts, not one bit. They may be poetic and beautifully thought out, causing me to admire the inner machinations of his mind like Edgar Allan Poe's works, but I can only imagine how deep the depths of his mind are, the way they take a hold of him. Jeongguk's hair hides his eyes like the black wings of the Raven screeching nevermore, just like Jeongguk's earlier screams for me to leave him alone. If I could, I'd talk poetry to Jeongguk, talk my ideas in metaphorical sentences and conjure new ways to use sophisticated words at the flick of my tongue, but I don't know how to start.

Instead of speaking poetry with the younger boy who looks so frail, like an already cracked porcelain doll, I decide to speak physically: through actions. Instead of sounding beautiful like his thoughts, I act beautiful like he'd want me to, slowly reaching out my shaky and anxiety-quenched hand to only brush my fingertips across his soddened and creased face. No, I didn't feel a charge of electricity from the light touch; no, I didn't feel myself being filled with fireworks which spark feelings of doe-eyed love at the feeling. I only felt Jeongguk's soft and dampened skin underneath my callused fingers.

The feeling reminded me that he was human. He was in no way a saint nor a boy of my dreams. He wasn't a dream- a model -in that moment. Jeongguk was much less than those things yet all the more at once. I found it deep inside myself, the resonating feeling of something else that I couldn't describe with a hundred words. This was in no way romantic love, this is a feeling you receive from someone close, someone you'd dedicate hours to.

There was no bile rising in my throat as Jeongguk stared up at me like a deer in headlights, eyes circular and face blank. There was no feeling to reject as I placed my whole palm on the side of his face, and there certainly wasn't any feeling to hide away as Jeongguk slowly caved in, nudging into my hand with closed eyes and a set, peaceful face.

"Jeongguk," I finally whisper, too tired of not speaking to him, "there's no need to fear me..."

And he finally breaks, letting out a sob and muffling the sound with my chest, clutching onto my arms covered by a soft sweater. The material bunches and wrinkles at his will, looking down at his small and bruised hands that form fists. Jeongguk was always a person to scuff up his hands, always getting multiple scrapes from running his knuckles too roughly across the brick walls outside the school, but I've yet to find out how he got the somehow stunning bruises to form. Writing in ballpoint pen ink resonates on the soft skin, doodles of swirls, planets and stars with the same scripture of hanja painted onto his white door, the door that hides us from the outside world taking up the space.

My arms tighten around him, holding him closely and fortunate that he stopped struggling. The whole scene of what did and what is occurring plays through my mind like a broken record, and it chills me down to the bone, gives me goosebumps at the thought of what Jeongguk might've gone through to react such a way.

I can only assume that he had woken up from a nightmare, after all, it was alarmingly late, yet I didn't care about the time. I have known this breathing human for almost three weeks, and I already felt like it was my duty to help him, guide him through the trenches of the ocean and fight against the never ending, crashing waves that trash around, throwing him about.

One thing that I need to understand is that Jeongguk needs to trust me, and deep down, I know that I'll have to open up first, tell him about my deepest and darkest secrets that haunt my past and make me hate living at times. The green highlights of my bangs hide my eyes, and I place my chin on top of Jeongguk's head as a revelation takes set in my own, finally pulling out what the hanja says...

•time to start living•

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u can ask taehyung abt some things in the q&a (thank you) after this update if u feel the need to~

wHOa idek kno what happened in this update, all ik is that it got kinda poetic nd i'm into ittt.

i bet u all r wondering what the hell is up w jungkook...you'll find out soon...i think. (bt also prepare urself for taehyung's past too o no)

do u think that this story is going by too fast?? idk i feel like it kinda is hmm

ok that's all bye

song -- TALK ME DOWN by troye sivan