pretty boy | taekook

lashing out

chapter twenty-two ;; lashing out
taehyung's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

Jeongguk was in no way alone right now, and I made sure of that. It was awful- horrible. My mind had conjured up scenarios of me knocking Jimin down and putting him in his place, destroying him for all he was, but I knew that Jeongguk wouldn't like that, no matter how many times he whimpered.

The first two hours after the scenario was spent in a sob filled silence engraved with sweet nothings passing through my mouth. Guilt continued to pour past my eyes as words fell through the lips that dared to close and leave Jeongguk alone. Movements of my tongue converted into supporting words. My shoulders were damp from his tears, but I couldn't care less. I would let Jeongguk drench my entries arms in tears if it would make him feel better.

I was infamously guilty for many things that I'd done in the past few days. It started with the day Jeongguk's lips touched mine, regretting the night on the hood of my car. It wasn't necessarily the kiss itself that was regretful, the emotions held behind it were what really made me feel the way I do. It was so...vacant. There was no loving nature to it like I'd hoped, instead pain and desperation. It felt more like coping than expressing, almost rushed. A bittersweet kiss wasn't meant to occur, and I'd much rather go back to a time where it didn't happen and do it right.

Jeongguk's face when he caught Seoyun and I. It was so stupid of me. So fucking stupid. Yes, her and I weren't a thing anymore now, but I didn't end it earlier like I should've. What Jeongguk saw was a break up. It may have been sad, but Seoyun was so understanding. I think she had seen Jeongguk and I and assumed something was brewing between us, but it felt incomplete without hugging her to seal everything, close up our past months spent together. They might've been brief and easy-going, no real tie down of anything significant or hanging out much outside of school, but it was still a time period lived and experienced.

"H- How do you feel?" Jeongguk and I were in his bed, holding him closely as usual.

It was sadly too worrying for me to actually hold him the way I used to. My arms were too strong for Jeongguk, a fear of paining the bruises that'd gone a deep purple shade.

"Better." Jeongguk would never give me more than simplistic answers. I couldn't blame him. After all, his only friend for years slammed his small and fragile body with force that would even hurt an averaged sized person into a wall.

"Are you sure you don't want me to put anything on your back?" I whisper, placing my chin onto his head, "It...it looks so painful."

"I'm used to the pain." He droned, sending shivers down my spine. Jeongguk sounds so cold, almost lifeless, skin paler than usual and face drained of all hue and shadow, "I may just be anemic." Jeongguk continues. He was trying to reassure the both of us. I wasn't meant to be the one earning the reassuring words; he was the one who was supposed to hear them.

"...Alright, I believe you."

Being anemic kind of made sense. No matter what, Jeongguk always seemed to have a tired sense to his ways. There was a sluggish sway which captivated all in a beautiful serenade of sorts. It was part of his charm, you could say. Without him being a tad tired, you wouldn't experience his true self. Jeongguk always turned into such a poet when he was tired, and I envied him for holding a powerful mind that left an impact. It was the complete opposite of his soft face, curved jaw and sloped nose.

My lips dip down, placing soft kisses onto his closed eyelids, casting sweet thoughts over the brown color that hid. Instead of bidding riddance as Jeongguk slipped off into a dream, his eyes slit. They were tired, droopy, but he did all he could to make them open. He looked weak; his outside matched my inside. Even though Jeongguk looks like a living corpse in my arms, a small attempt to a smile forms, making flowers of all types bloom within me, creating a glowing soul in darkness.