Cut to the beat

4- Casting

A/N: I hate this trope but I feel it's necessary to understand how open they've been to each other. So here have a sad girl comforted by the love of her life.
Also if you didn't know Ellen does have asthma and if you also didn't know everything I mention about her family life is more/less true
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"You want to know what happened to me? You! You happened to me-"
Patrick Dempsey let out a soft 'oh', breathing out as he leaned against the set walls, waiting for his next scene. He could overhear everything going on in the patient room, patiently waiting for cameras to cut. Inside the room was Ellen and Kate Burton, doing a legendary Ellis and Meredith confrontation scene. Confrontation it sure was, Patrick thought, hearing the agony in Ellen's voice as she rose her volume.

"Okay. Cut, everyone shut down. Ellen? Let's take a breather dear, Kate that was good, remember- you know everything right now. All the lost history, the fights, the late nights when she brought home unsavory boyfriends, if Meredith was a loner- her pink hair, you lived with Meredith grey in the 80s. Use that to your advantage, act like you're hinting at things in her past." The director explained to the room after everyone closed up. He turned to Ellen next, who stood with her arms crossed and eyes wide, her expression reading as if she really needed to curl up and die. "Ellie. I know, this is difficult. But like how Kate knows secrets, so do you. The best part of Meredith is her layers, so really pull on your own parents fighting. How you talked back to your mom, what fights were in the 80s- yah?" He asked her, smiling. Ellen's stomach dropped as he spoke, and she nodded quickly.

"Th-thank you for the direction. I'm taking that breather now. Sorry." She walked quickly to grab her purse from behind set, taking a puff of her inhaler before walking out towards the trailers. As Ellen arrived at the trailer, slightly calmer but still ready to do damage, she paused, checking her purse. No keys. She was locked out of her own trailer, when she needed it the most. Ellen laid back against the door, closing her eyes tightly as she grew frustrated, kicking the ground. Scenes with Kate were honestly nightmares for her. It wasn't so much Kate, who did her job as Ellis phenomenally. It was more so the subject itself. Mother-daughter.

"Ellen?" She looked up, having slid down the door to sit on the little steps. Justin Chambers had seen her. God damnit Ellen, you can't loose yourself right now. "Ellen? Is everything okay?" He asked, seeing her red, blotchy face. Ellen shook her head, pushing back her hair. She fought herself, hard, to not cry.

"I've been locked out, I left my key inside. Patrick isn't answering his phone? You seen him?" Ellen asked, holding herself together. Justin shrugged,

"Not since lunch. His next scene is after yours, with Kate Burton right? Ellis scene?" He suggested, trying to recall. Ellen's brow rose, he had been by set then. Explains why he refused to answer her calls- he was not allowed to bring in powered on phones.

"Thanks Justin." Ellen replied to him, getting up. Justin shook his head, still worried about her, Ellen did not look fine. Her hair was falling out of its loose bun, her face red, eyes watery, mascara running.

"Not a problem Ellie...look, you still seem upset, take as many breathers as you know you need. Shonda will clear it, I just, I don't like seeing you so upset." He said before leaving. Ellen  nodded, whispering thank you. She left the trailer, walking down to the set, peering around corridors. Ellen was still frazzled, and much so needed another breather but first wanted to get in the trailer so she could cry in peace really. She turned the corner, bumping into Patrick, falling to the ground.

"Oh! Ellen," he turned around, reaching out to hold her hand, pulling her up to her feet. Ellen looked up at him with wild eyes, full of surprise, and uncertainty. Tears had leaked out when she fell, ruining her semi calm disposition.

"Paddy, I locked myself out of the trailer. My keys are inside. Can I borrow your keys or like can you unlock the door?" She asked, impatient. Something was clearly going on. Patrick nodded, pulling out his set of keys. He looked at Ellen's face, his lower lip wobbling, he was hurt at the mere sight her so distraught.

"I'm coming to unlock it for you. Ellen, please tell me what's the matter? You seem scared, upset." He asked her as they walked to the trailers, his arms looped around hers. She's shook her head,

"Nothing, nothing, everything's fine," Ellen lied through her teeth. Patrick stopped walking in the middle of the walkway.

"You don't have to tell me, but don't lie to me Ellen. I know you're upset. We all get upset." He said, annoyed that she'd try to hide from him. They'd been close friends for a few years, and now lived together, he had to know she was alright. "I just want to be sure you're okay. You're my friend, I care about you." Ellen's breathing became rapid, and she shook her head.

"Let me inside first." She demanded, tears starting to silently stream down. Patrick rose his hands,

"Hey-hey alright." He reached out, squeezing her shoulder
Ellen's eyes watered, and her lips remained shut until the trailer door swung open.

"I-the scene I'm doing, the Ellis and me scene...I keep getting direction to just think about fighting with my mother." She explained in a broken hearted voice, hurrying inside as Patrick pushed open the door. He closed it, staying in with Ellen, figuring she shouldn't be alone during whatever type of break down this was. He went to the couch while she stood in the walkway.

"Your mom?" Patrick questioned, trying to remember if over the years she'd told him anything about her mother before. Nothing was coming to mind, so he got up, hugging her. Ellen physically broke down, sobbing in his arms.

"She's dead Paddy, oh- she-she died when I was four-in, in front of me. My only memory is, my, my mom overdosing on pain killers, okay." She cried out. Patrick rubbed her back as she let out all her tears, he frowned himself, hearing the story. "It's my only memory of her," Ellen choked. "She was in an accident when she was young and was in chronic pain and just took one too many one day. And I saw her,"

Patrick walked her to the couch, sitting her down, pushing back her hair. He tried to imagine, put himself in her shoes. Little, baby Ellen, watching her mother, drop in front of her. "I'm just so upset, he keeps giving me directions I can't follow. I never fought with my mom, I had no mom. And I never fought with papa, he would lecture me old Italian if I dared." Ellen said, pulling her knees to her chest. Patrick wrapped his arms around her, desperately wanting to make her feel better. She leaned into his chest, taking deep breaths as sobs racked her body.

"I-I have nothing to say, I'm sorry Ellie, you never said anything before... I mean I don't expect you to have but...shouldn't Shonda know? Ellen. This upset you, deeply." Patrick suggested telling Shonda how sensitive the topic was to Ellen but she balked.

"No way. I have to, I just- I can do it Paddy, she won't like it, the plot is strong with the mother thing. I just have to suck it up." Ellen refused. Patrick wiped her tears away with his thumb, staring into those bright color changing eyes of hers. His thumbs trailed to her lips, then let go, backing away. He couldn't. He couldn't kiss her, although he desperately wanted to. Patrick refused to let himself, take advantage of Ellen in that way. Her emotions were on edge right now, he had to right to make them go off the rails with confusion. To see Ellen at her lowest, attracted him. She was just as vulnerable as he was, even more so. But she also strong. Maybe the strongest woman he's known. That was sexy. You only know how strong someone is when you know what they've survived. Ellen's survived a lot.
"Ellen they need you back on set!" A crew person called, knocking on the door. Patrick watched Ellen crawl up, brushing off her scrubs, sniffling. He reached up, handing her a tissue as she left.
He was about to kiss me. Why didn't I just kiss him?