Cut to the beat

Let go

"Ellen?"

Her ears burned at the sound of her name. Ellen looked up from the floor, gently unlocking the stall door. She knew Patrick would be stubborn with finding her and stay until she came out so she couldn't fight it. He saw the door swing on its hinge and came to pull it open.

His heart shattered. Never once did he think the day he had met Ellen, that his future with her would end up here. At the bottom. It was rock bottom for both of them, and they couldn't escape it. Patrick looked between the mess of vomit in the stall to Ellen curled in the corner, dehydrated, and crying. She felt guilty, and sad, and god she did not want him to see her like this. In all their time together, a bond stronger than most others, she still couldn't let him see this. Ellen felt pathetic. She felt like she had failed. And there was no use to blame Patrick for any of it. She had let go of the bitterness she had when he left her. She had overcome so much to be with him now but to have their son leave her. Ellen couldn't. She wiped at her eyes, staring up at him. Red rimmed dark grey emeralds.

"I- El," Patrick's lower lip wobbled, and slowly he began to gnaw on it to fight the tears. "You can't, you, he needs to see you." The paper in his hand fell to the ground while he reached under her arms to pull her up. Ellen was like dead weight. She didn't fight back, although they both knew she wanted to stay on that floor. She stood up, glaring at him.

"You-you can't make me." Her raspy voice announced. She crossed her arms, shaking her head.

"Don't do this Ellen. Don't. You can't. You can sit here and deny what's happening and you can miss out on the last minutes of your child's life. Or you can go to him, comfort him, and be there. I'm not about to let your stubbornness make me do this alone. Everett needs us. Just one last time." Patrick held her arms, begging her to follow him. He sighed, fearing it was already too late. Ellen walked down the long hospital hallway, turning her head slightly.

"Did you visit Stella?" She asked very softly. Patrick paused misstep. The paper. He had left it in the bathroom.

"Yeah I did...Stella, she uh. She misses him. Already." He replied, rubbing Ellen's shoulders before starting to walk again. They didn't have time to waste to go back and grab the dinosaur drawing. Patrick felt sweat drip down his spine as he approached the door. The door. Everett's door.

"Let me." Ellen's soft hand pushed Patrick's away from the knob as she went to open the door herself. Doctors surrounded the bed, monitors beeping. It was time. One doctor turned to face Ellen, shaking his head.

"We need you two to sign a DNR." He said. Ellen froze. This was the moment. Her son. A DNR for her four year old who's body was destroying himself. For Everett who loved dinosaurs and trains, and laughed so loud when he was tickled. It took Ellen back to the moment four years ago when her life changed. It was stressful and crazy but she had loved every second of discovering Everett. Being a mother to him, for even as short of an amount of time she had was a blessing. She got to discover him. How much he was like her and Patrick. She hadn't lost time as a mother, which was something Ellen reminded herself of a lot. She had Stella as well. Stella, may not be her biological flesh and blood, but she was still a child with a life that Ellen could give her.

"Els," Patrick nudged her after he had scrawled his signature on the page. Ellen looked down and signed it, then walked closer to Everett. The fragile boy lay in bed. His body was completely shutting down and he was in and out of consciousness the entire time. So Ellen sat on the corner of his bed, her hand on his shoulder. She sighed, it was time to let him go. She could feel his chest shudder as he breathed, and she gently stroked back his floppy dark blonde curls. The curls. They were so much a part of Patrick in him. Ellen leaned down, kissing his forehead as tears welled in her eyes.