Cut to the beat

Cranberries

Ellen knocked on the door of her childhood home, taking a deep breath. She'd come alone- there was no way to defend bringing Patrick and Chris was just here.

"You came! My stracciatella!" Her father swung open the door, smiling at his youngest child.

"I did. Hi papi!" Ellen rushed into his arms, hugging him. He helped her inside, and kissed her cheek.

"I have ziti almost ready, sit!" Her father ushered her to the kitchen table, and went back to checking on his dinner. The warm smells brought a smile to Ellen's face, she felt young again.

"Ellen, it's good to see you!" Maureen hugged Ellen tightly.

"Hey Maureen," Ellen returned the hug, leaning on her sister. "I didn't know you were home!"

"I'm staying for the week, just a little visit." She said, sitting down at the old table. Maureen swiped a finger across the wood, it was ancient. Their father didn't like change, it was the same it had been 20 years ago and before that.

"What brings you out?" Ellen's father asked as he handed them each plates. He sat across from Ellen, a very knowing look in his kind blue eyes. His daughter didn't just make random visits home. Ellen poked at her ziti,  feeling like a child again. There wasn't any guidebook on how to do this, or say it. It was a common tragedy society said hush to.

"Well um yea know papi," Ellen started, making gesticulations with her hands as she grew nervous. Maureen watched, a brow arched at her little sister. "You know well you kept bothering Chris and I for a grandchild, and I'm home because-"

"Ellen Kathleen...." Her father whispered, his face glowing. Ellen stopped, seeing his excitement. She felt bad, this wasn't right she couldn't tell him. To see that glimmer of hope in her father's eyes, something she rarely saw as a child, made her heart swell. Ellen gulped, and lied.

"I'm pregnant!" She said cheerily, forcing a smile as her heart beat loudly. Maureen and her father bursted with pride, and congratulated her. The night grew long and weary full of lies, which Ellen was coming out to avoid. She closed her eyes, thinking how stupid she'd be if in June she had no baby?

--------

"You what?" Patrick asked as he held Darby in his arms while holding the phone between his shoulder and ear. "Ellen...what the hell? This is why one of us should have gone-"

"Patrick. I can make my own decisions." Ellen reminded him as she stared out her childhood bedroom window down the street.

"I know. I love you. But what will you do in 8 months time when your sisters want to throw a shower? You will have no belly to measure..."

"You don't know that. Thanks for reminding me though." Ellen snapped, she was already thinking too much about this.

"Ellie," Patrick's tone changed, he was gentle now. "I know you want a baby. I know. Please remember what the doctor said, please. You are at risk if you carry again. Don't rush into this. You should tell the truth."

Ellen sniffled, a hand on her waist. She bit her lip and sighed.

"I miss you." She whispered. "I just, it's hard to talk about." Ellen felt her heart falling as she spoke. The twinges of pain every now and again reminding her of the ordeal she has just been through.