Living with the Jamisons (In Editing)

To Much To Handle

TRIGGER WARNING

I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back

Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
And everybody believed in you?

It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent,
You're still an innocent.

'Innocent' by Taylor Swift

On our way home previous events I tried to shove back, came to centre stage in my mind. I looked out the window and my eyes glaze over. I don't know how I was going to do this. I don't have anyone anymore. We were almost home when Jesse cleared his throat. "Umm," he started and I looked at him,"I know that you're upset about Carlo but I just wanted to ask something."
I nodded for him to continue. "Well, you know when you preformed for us, and Carlo said you were entering the show on Friday at school." He pulled at car into the driveway and turned to face me. "Are you still doing it?"
I sighed sadly, looking out the front window. I felt tears prick at my eyes and took a deep breath, shaking my head.
I looked up, but quickly turned my head at his disappointed face. "You should. You are amazing. I don't think I have ever heard anyone as good as you, no joke."
I shook my head, "I can't do it."
"What changed? I hate Carlo for what he did, but he was right to enter you in this," he said his voice getting louder in fustration, "You could go so far!"
Tears leaked over and soon they were running uncontrollably. "I can't do it," I shouted. If only he knew!
"I'm trying to help you. There is finally something going for you and you're pushing it away!"
A sob excaped my lips, "You don't think I know that?!" I screamed, "I have thought about it ever since Carlo mentioned it and I actually want to do it! But I can't! I'm scared! You have no idea what I've been through." I roughly opened the door and slammed it behind me.

I ran down the path and heard Jesse follow me. "Taylor," he called but I just opened to front door and ran straight into, something hard? I looked up and saw all of the brothers there. I groaned as more sobs rised in my chest. God defenatly didn't like me today! I tried to push past James, the one I ran into, but he wove his arms around me and pulled me tightly against him. It was so comforting to have someone hold me. Everything was to much to handle. I couldn't do it. My cries errupted from my chest and hit me like a wreck ball. If it wasn't for James my legs would of given way by now. James stroked my back as he tried to soothe me. By now I felt Jesse beside me. "What the hell happened?" Steven said, angrily.
"We were talking about the talent quest," Jesse said, and I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

They all fell quiet and I felt their gazes on me. My head was tucked in the crook of James' neck and his chin was resting on it. I was finding it hard to breathe as I continued to cry. I sub-concisely felt James walk me inside and sit me down. I had to pull myself together or they would know something else was up. I tried with everything I had to become emotionless in front of them, but it wasn't working.

James pulled away and crouched down in front of me. I looked up and got caught in his intense gaze. It was like he was searching into my soul. I quickly looked away, scared to what he'll find but that just seemed to confirm his assumptions. He quickly grabbed my chin and brought it back so he could see my face. "What aren't you telling us? Something happened, what happened?"

I froze. I was litarally paralyzed. The nights images flashed before my eyes like they have ever since that night. But this time was that much worse because I feared that everyone knew. I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I snapped out of it, and looked up at Jesse who was now sitting next to me. "What happened?" he asked gentaly.