decoding the boys ✔️

42 | not worth it

Gusto kong bawiin ang mga sinabi ko.

Gusto kong tumawag at mag-sorry nang mag-sorry.

It took everything in me not to. Nagsisisi ako na sinaktan ko siya pero alam kong mas mabuti na 'yon para sa amin.

I'd stand by this choice kahit mahirap. Tama na. Isang sakitan na lang.

We both deserved to heal.

#

I told Lhyle what I did first thing in the morning. Nasa klase na ang girls at hindi sinasadyang nagkasalubong kami sa may Gonzales hall.

I thought he would avoid me; I thought he'd walk by without glancing at me but he caught me by surprise nang huminto siya para suriin ako. In the end, hindi niya ako natiis.

I must have looked like shit then because his forehead creased in worry.

"What happened?" his first spoken word to me after days of not talking. Narinig ko ang panic sa tono niya.

Umiling ako. Hinatak ako ni Lhyle sa lugar na wala masyadong tao.

"Javee. . . " tawag niya.

"I ended things with him," simple kong inamin.

Parehas kaming natahimik. Eternity seemed to pass before understanding dawned on his face.

"Tara," anyaya niya.

I looked up to his face, confusion getting to me. "Saan?"

"Let's cut."

My eyes widened. Lhyle does things like this from time to time but not me. I don't take to cutting classes well dahil inaalagaan ko ang good standing ko.

"Hindi pwede. Baka may quiz kami-" But he was already pulling me to his car. Although my mind told me I didn't want to go along, hindi rin naman ako lumaban pa. I knew as well as my bestfriend that I wasn't in my best state of focus right now. I needed to unwind.

"Where are we going?" I said when I climbed into his Veyron.

"You need a breather," he said with a grin, waggling his brows. "We won't go far. Don't worry."

#

We ended up in Kapitolyo, Pasig.

Papunta pa lang doon, na-realize ko na ang plano niyang gawin. Despite myself, I laughed.

"Foodtrip?" I said to him.

He grinned at me. "Nothing cures heartbreak best but good food."

And so, we ended up hopping from one restaurant to the next. Bihira ako dito sa Kapitolyo, sa totoo lang. It's too far from my place pero gusto ko ang Old Beans nila sa Capitol Commons. Though if I were to really choose, mas maganda pa rin sa 'kin ang branches sa Intramuros at Tagaytay.

Habang kumakain kami sa RUB Ribs & BBQ, pinagmasdan ako ni Lhyle. The expression on his face was contemplative, curious. I knew that look too well. I knew what he was going to ask.

"I want to know how, Javee. Bakit si Racel? Paanong siya?"

I recounted to him everything. It wasn't easy. Ang hirap na balikan ang lahat. I fought so hard against the urge to shake and cry. Buti na lang at kinaya ko.

Lhyle understood. He took it well. Tahimik lang siyang nakikinig, no ounce of emotion at all. He wasn't judging nor was he mad. Kalmado lang pero paminsan-minsan, napapansin kong tumitingin siya sa malayo kapag binabanggit ko ang nararamdaman ko. As if the thought of me liking Racel was burning him.

When I was done, Lhyle released a deep breath. I knew he was trying his best to wrap his head around it.

"I would never have thought," he finally said, still absorbed. "Mabuting kaibigan ko 'yon. I thought he was better than this."