decoding the boys ✔️

56 | always

Halos hindi ako nakatulog kakaiyak. Namumugto at pulang pula ang mga mata ko kinabukasan nang bumaba ako. Una kong hinanap si Kuya Jacob kay Kuya Andrei na kasalukuyang kumakain ng breakfast sa dining room.

Hindi niya muna ako sinagot. "Hey," bati niya sa malambing na boses. "Join me. Kumain ka na muna."

Umiling ako. "Gusto kong makausap si Kuya Jacob, Kuya. Umalis na ba siya?" paos kong sagot.

"Nasa taas pa. 'Di pa bumababa." Tinuro niya ang mga pagkain sa hapag. "C'mon. Join me here."

Tumango ako at umupo sa harap niya. Our helper hurriedly brought the plate and glasses in front of me. Then, Kuya placed the food on my plate after seeing I wouldn't even touch the utensils. Tulala ako at sobrang blangko habang ginagawa niya 'yon.

Hindi ako makakain. Wala akong gana. Sobrang sakit pa rin ng nararamdaman ako. I thought I'd become numb but I didn't.

"Javee," Kuya Andrei called out, sighing. "You have to eat. You can't be like this."

I slowly raised my gaze to meet his. "Hindi ka ba galit sa 'kin?"

"No," mabiling niyang sagot.

"Bakit?"

He creased his forehead. "Do I have to?"

"I lied to you."

"You didn't need to tell us anything," sabi niya. "And besides, I kind of figured it out long time ago."

At this, my eyes widened. "Pa'no?"

"It was obvious. You changed after that Youth Camp. I wasn't really sure what was going on but I had a hunch."

I stuttered, "Bakit 'di ka nagsabi?"

"It was your life. Ayokong makialam sa mga desisyon mo. I trusted you at ayoko ring makadagdag pa sa mga iniisip mo. It must've been hard enough for you."

"Must've broken your trust, too, huh?" I sighed, rubbing my temple.

"You didn't," agad niyang sagot. "You can't break my trust even if you try."

Namuo ulit ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. Kuya Andrei was smiling so gently at me, so comfortingly. Sana ay ganito rin ang naging reaction ni Kuya Jacob. Why couldn't we just make up and move on? Bakit kailangang umabot kami sa ganito?

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Sorry," I could only say, wiping the tears that threatened fall. I felt so weak and vulnerable and I hated it.

"No need to be sorry. Now, please. Eat, bago pa kita isumbong kina Mom," he replied, trying to sound casual.

I nodded and picked up the spoon and fork. Mahirap pero pinilit kong kumain kahit kaunti lang. Pakiramdam ko'y isusuka ko ang lahat pero hindi ko pinahalata 'yon. Ayokong mag-alala pa si Kuya Andrei.

After breakfast, saktong bumaba si Kuya Jacob. He was cold, his expression hardened, as he walked past the table and went into the kitchen. Hindi niya ako pinapansin. Kahit lingunin ako ay hindi niya ginawa.

Sinundan ko siya sa kitchen. He took a bottle of water from the fridge, drank it, and walked out again without so much as a backward glance. Dumiretso siya papanhik ng kwarto niya. I followed after him kahit hindi niya ako kinikibo.

"Kuya, can we talk?" tanong ko nang umabot kami sa kwarto niya.

He slammed the door shut. Right in my face. I winced at the sound and clenched my shaking hands into fists.

Pag-tingin ko sa hagdan, nakatingin sa 'kin si Kuya Andrei na parang naaawa sa nangyayari. Umiling lang ako at bumalik na sa kwarto para mag-ayos. I had a class today. Kahit na hindi ako nakatulog ay kailangan kong pumasok lalo na't critical school days na.