33 Reasons Why

Reason 2

Reason 2: Missing you like crazy.

Dear Esther,

It's 2:25 AM here and I'm up thinking where you are? I'm opening your letters one by one each day. Your mom looked so different, she's lost without you.

I saw you watch me when I was worrying over my grandmother. For a second, I hoped you'd come over and comfort me and everything would be okay. But I know it wouldn't happen. I was disappointed, hurt, angry and sad when I saw you walk away right after we made that eye contact. 

When your mom came into the ICU, I hoped that you were with her, but you weren't. And so, I became more angry. I wanted your comfort, your smile and your "everything will be okay," just like how you usually reassure me when things aren't going well for me. 

For me to listen to your reassurance makes me believe that everything would be alright. You should've never done that. You should've be selfish and went to the ICU with your mom. You should've never care about my feelings or how you being there would bring greater pain to me because that isn't true. 

No one knows where you've went to and everyone is searching for you. You need to come back. Stop making us worried. But that's how you are – you often worry me so much. I'm awake now thinking about all the things that could've happen if I didn't leave you.

I could've have you all to myself and I would have you as my girl that I could show off to the world. We could be laying down next to each other and cuddle in because I love cuddling with you, you're warm.

I can see your sweet smile and hear your beautiful laugh for just one last time. I could take off-guards pictures of you and set them as my wallpaper because you look so beautiful. You didn't like me taking off-guards pictures of you because you always thought you're ugly. That's the problem: you always thought.

In all reality, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever landed my eyes on. Why'd I leave? Until now, I can't understand why I made that stupid decision. I'm staring at  pictures of both of us and my heart aches.

My heart yearns for you to be here. For me, to see you somewhere around the corner of my eyes just to make sure you're here and not gone. I want to see your smile and hear your voice. I want to hear you talk about something you're passionate about: reading. I want you to ramble on how Dylan O'Brien is so hot or how you don't understand why people gush over Channing Tatum.

I want to remind you that you're beautiful and that you're not worthless as you think you are. I want to kiss all your scars and remind you that I love you and it hurts me to see you're hurting yourself. I regret so much, Esther.

Please, baby.

Come back. For me, for your mom.

Please, Esther.

Don't torture me this way.

I love you. And I can't wait to tell you that, I'll tell you that non-stop if you come back.

Signed,

Kade

A/N: It's so heart breaking ): Do you think Kade deserves a second chance? Make sure to vote, comment and follow. x